An open letter to the Free Republic

By Bryan Zepp Jamieson

6/7/01

Folks, first off, I want to commend you on your daring and profoundly patriotic stand against the ultra-left-wing woman who called the police at Chuy’s, a move that clearly was meant to harass and humiliate America’s greatest current President.

Good work! And let me tell you, you really got those pinko gays all stirred up. Here’s what one limp wrist liberal at the left-wing American Political Journal, Pamela Parker, had to say

"The attacks against Mia Lawrence, the bar manager, are being orchestrated on the Internet. Her address, date of birth, drivers license and registration information, physical description, and even birth information about her infant child have been posted on freerepublic.com, along with calls for punitive actions. Freerepublic.com website's sysop pulled some of the information as it was called to his attention __ to his credit __ but the info has circulated and been posted to other Internet forums to spread the "Get Lawrence" frenzy.

 

"Bush supporters have obliquely and directly called for Lawrence to be punished __ publicly humiliated, fired from her job, impoverished, and exposed to risky and dangerous situations."

You know how left wingers like to whine and whine and whine. This Parker woman (and maybe we should teach her a little lesson and get her social security number out on the web) went on to cry about some harmless pranks that good, upstanding members suggested, like Tracer proposing identity theft (Hey! Just what I suggested for Parker! Great minds think alice, Trace!), or Eva, who suggested freepers follow restaurant staff around and pounce if they serve alcohol to anyone who looks underage. I really like that one, because that will make liberals whine about how businesses should be allowed to function without undue interference, and won’t it be fun making them look stupid over that one! Robomatic suggested dumping that really bad-smelling stuff around in the restaurant, like they did in some of those baby-killing factories up north. Not a bad idea, but Rob, you should know that the stuff isn’t harmless. It can cause severe irritation of mucous membranes (the gunky parts of the body, like your eyes and inside your nose) and abdominal damage. Good American cops will have to go in and investigate, and you don’t want to put them at risk. Go easy.

Some genius put her bankruptcy filing up on Lucianne Goldberg’s website. That was really inspired. We really should be collecting information on anyone who is liberal, and saving it for any others that might think about getting out of line. And it’s not like it’s not public information or anything. Hah! The broad was too stupid to buy medical insurance, and went broke paying medical bills!

Parker cried about a whole bunch more stuff you guys suggested, making the usual liberal noises about rights and so on. But the way I see it, if you go out of your way to embarrass and humiliate the President of the United States, you just put a real serious dent in those "rights" my friend. Liberals need to know there is a price to be paid for messing with our boy.

Now, there were a lot of good suggestions: spying on the staff 24/7, and several folks posted phone numbers including cell phones and so on so you all could call them at all hours and let them know what you thought. Great stuff, guys, and I’m really proud of you.

But there’s a lot of us, and we’ve been doing a pretty good job of getting ourselves organized and getting the word out on stuff like Chelsea Clinton getting popped for smoking and Hillary being a lesbian and all, but it’s pretty minor league stuff, really. I mean, there’s so many of us, and we’re so cohesive and think so much alike, that we really should be working on a more formal type of presence.

Imagine if a bunch of Freepers shows up at a Chuy’s to hassle the liberals in the place and let people know that their type aren’t welcome in our country. So here we are, and we’re milling around wearing Tshirts and jeans and baseball caps, and nobody really knows what we are and what we represent, because nobody even thought to run us through a few chanting drills first. We go in, we raise a little fun hell, and we leave, and people aren’t going to be saying, "Man, I’m glad Free Republic is taking a stand on these things!"

No. They’re going to be looking at each other and scratching their heads, and figuring that we were just a bunch of jokers from the football team at the college, getting drunk and letting off a little steam. And the liberals? Hell, all liberals sneer at jocks. They’ll just be laughing at us, the way they laugh at everything that doesn’t scare them.

So first thing, we need to think about a uniform. Now, we don’t want to be TOO aggressive on this, because, after all, it’s not like we’re going to be going around and stomping people flat. We’re just going to hassle a few liberals, is all, and we don’t want good people misunderstanding us.

I suggest that the uniform be kinda low-key, and friendly. Earth tones. Beige, tan, maybe a light brown. And just accent it with black belts and boots. Of course, then we look like the boy scouts, so we need to think about some sort of ID, something ON the uniform that will identify us as Free Republic people right away.

I think an armband would be ideal. Red armband, so it will stand out, with a white circle on the outside, outlined in black, and with the letters "FP" inside. Maybe one of the freepers with a little graphic arts design experience can make the letters so they sort of fit in the circle, and maybe make them a bit jaggedy, like lightening bolts. We can tell people that shows the power of Americans fighting for a just cause.

Tactics. First, who is the enemy?

Liberals, of course. They live in our country, eating our food, getting rich off our people through their movies and books and stuff, and taking our jobs away. They are a cancer within our society, and their presence only weakens American will and American purity. They must be stopped.

So our message must be, over and over, that the Liberal is the enemy. He wants to steal our money and our freedom, and sell us out to his communist masters.

We need to develop an in-house program so members can recognize Liberals at a glance. It’s a sad fact that some Liberals are wily and crafty enough that to an unenlightened eye, they look and sound like regular Americans! It’s true. Look at that guy Jeffords. A good Republican for 20 years–or so we thought. Nope. He was a secret Liberal, just waiting for the right time to pounce, and weaken America!

Once we learn how to identify all the Liberals, we need to let them know that we won’t take their aggressive socialism any more. They aren’t going to be allowed to turn our sons into faggots and our daughters into drunken sluts. Not any more. The days when they can run roughshod over decent, hard-working Americans while they laugh and burn our Bibles is at an end, my friends!

So what I propose is that one particular night, we have demonstrations in every American city and town. Form parades! March in your uniforms, and chant slogans against Liberals and anyone else who would be an enemy to America!

And then, about midnight, we strike! Attack every Liberal store and church and home! Smash the windows! Use spray paint to write "Liberals!" on their walls! Rough them up a bit if they resist! Show them that we aren’t going to take their abuse any more!

Don’t worry about the cops and the military. They’re with us. Don’t worry about the courts. George W has been working hard to see to it that courts from now on will have the right type of judges, those with enough backbone to stand up for decent Americans who are fighting only to protect our Constitution from the communist alien infiltrators that call themselves "Liberals"!

One People! One God! One Nation! One President!

Oh, it will be glorious! We are brave! We are strong! We are willing to fight for the right! We are unique!

People will be amazed! History has never seen anything like us before!

With deep admiration and respect,

Patriotically yours,

Bryan Zepp Jamieson.