When Fruitloops Attack
In a world run by Jack D. Ripper and Rufus T. Firefly
by Bryan Zepp Jamieson
10/20/03
http://www.zeppscommentaries.com/Humor/fruitloops.htm
The public got used to the notion of a maniacal religiously obsessed fruitloop in the role of a military leader in the brilliant Stanley Kubrick film, "Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb." Jack D. Ripper (Sterling Hayden) was a maniac whose most famous preoccupation was with "the purity of precious bodily fluids." The character was so horrifying and compelling that Hayden nearly stole the show from the masterful roles created by Peter Sellers and George C. Scott.
Since then, fruitloop military commanders have become something of a staple in movies. A recent example of same was the evil army general in "Storm Tracker", who steals a machine about the size of a bread basket from Luke Perry, and uses it to send hurricanes rampaging into places such as Moscow, and, somewhat incoherently, Los Angeles. The general, (Martin Sheen) gets his paws on the device and cackles to his staff, "At last, Gentlemen, we have a user-friendly weapon of mass destruction!" I was pretty sure that movie would be the end of Sheen’s career, but a few months later "The West Wing" came along. I’m not sure what became of Luke Perry.
Another stereotype, that of the foreign despot who is completely loony-tunes, doesn’t need any fictional examples from Hollywood. Examples from this past century of leaders who were nuttier than squirrel turds include Idi Amin, Kims pers et fils of North Korea, and Khadaffy Duck. For those who would like some Hollywood depictions anyway, I recommend "The Great Dictator" with Charlie Chaplin, and similar roles by Grouch Marx and Peter Sellers.
This brings us to Lieutenant General William G. Boykin, and Malaysian Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad. I guess you could say they are two kernels from the same peanut.
Let’s start with Boykin. Boykin likes to get up in front of crowds of Christian evangelicals in full dress uniform, complete with all his badges and medals, and make such pronouncements as, "George Bush was not elected by a majority of the voters in the United States….he was appointed by God."
I don’t know what is more disturbing; the general’s feeble grasp of how the American electoral college is supposed to work, or the notion that God greatly resembles Kathleen Harris.
Boykin is the man in charge of hunting down Osama bin Laden (R-Afghanistan) and Saddam Hussein. He responds to this challenge by holding up a photo of bin Laden in front of his evangelical audience and intoning, "This is not our enemy." Then he holds up a picture of Saddam Hussein and intoning, "This is not our enemy." He runs through a couple of other top leaders in the George W. Hit parade, and then informs the audience, "Satan is the real enemy."
Great. Just great. The man is supposed to be hunting humans, and he’s off chasing imaginary ground ogres. It does explain why neither Saddam nor bin Laden have been found.
Of course, if he IS looking for Satan the clapboard churches of the deep south seem an odd place to start. Then again, maybe not; habitues of such churches tend to claim to see Satan under every rock and behind every tree. No sign of Osama, though, which leads me to think that the General’s salary is a waste of taxpayer money.
What has most people exercised, though, is the General’s professional military opinion on the relative strategic capabilities of those two well-known deities, Allah and God. The general said, "I knew that my God was bigger than [Somali warlord Osman Ato's]. I knew that my God was a real God, and his was an idol."
Saying "My cosmic sky muffin can beat up your cosmic sky muffin" has always been one of the more profoundly idiotic stances humans have taken throughout history, and it has never ended well. Usually, it results in bloodbaths, genocides, and widespread desititution, and the relative deities (even the one on the winning side) never seem to be able to step in and alleviate this state of affairs.
Incidently, if Boykin is into the Old Testament god – and religious fanatics like him almost always are – then he and Ato worship the same deity, the same thing that was the god of Abraham, Isaac and David. Only the nomenclature is different. Although of course believers have massacred one another with gay abandon over much smaller differences than that.
It’s particularly unfortunate that this General is running around in full dress uniform saying this, since his bosses in the White House have been loudly insisting that the war on terror is NOT a war against Islam, while the propagandists in the middle east have been insisting that it is. The sad thing is that neither side is entirely wrong in their respective assertions. But adding to Islamic concerns that the US is engaged in a holy crusade against Allah isn’t going to help the US any.
Boykin also states, "They're after us because we're a Christian nation." This would be the terrorists, presumably. Except that nearly all terrorist attacks in America have come from right wing Christian extremists, while most of the attacks attributed to al Qaida have been against targets in Indonesia, Sudan, Iraq, Israel and Afghanistan, none of which are Christian nations. But like most religious whacks, the General likes to put on the mantle of martyrdom and make the noises of a victim. They hate us because we’re the good guys. Oh, boo hoo hoo.
Boykin also said, "We are hated, because we are a nation of believers." Not according to the judicial equivalent of Boykin, Judge David Limbaugh. He swears that America’s biggest problem is that we are not a nation of believers. Terrorists, however, tend to be staunch believers. Maybe the General needs to switch sides.
Incidently, if Christianity is so good for a nation, why is it there are so few Christian nations, and those few tend to be tiny and rather backwards?
Still, Boykin, something of a buffoon, stops short of actual malevolence. Such is not the case with Dr. Mahathir Mohamad . "The Europeans killed six million Jews out of twelve million, but today the Jews rule the world by proxy. They get others to fight and die for them," said at the opening of the Organization of the Islamic Conference summit Thursday.
Mohamad has been prime minister of Malaysia for the past twenty two years, and if it weren’t for the utter vileness of his call to arms against the world’s Jews, he would be regarded as a Rufus T. Firefly sort of leader. He claims to have brought economic stamina, democracy, and a free press to Malaysia, but the economic stamina mostly consists of erecting what until yesterday had been the tallest buildings in the world, the twin white elephants of Kuala Lumpur, while the nation remained 25th in GDP. "But!" a webpage devoted to Malaysia announces, "Malaysia is also placed on the 4th spot (2003) in term of trading competitiveness of which the top three are USA, Canada & Australia." Whatever the hell that means.
As for a free press, the webpage I encountered had an editorial on the outgoing prime minister: "Special tribute to our Highly Intelligent, Legendary, Futuristic, Smart, Versatile, Positive, Humble, Diligent, Loving, Daring, Principled, Compassionate, Exemplary and Hard Working Prime Minister YAB Dato' Seri Dr. Mahathir Mohamad who has tirelessly been working - leading the people in achieving the level of quality of life its people are enjoying today - which almost all Malaysians never thought this could happen about 50 years ago - and the image of the country for the past 22 years. Thank You Dr. Mahathir! Thank You Dr. Mahathir! Thank You Dr. Mahathir! You are Superbly Special!! You changed the Malaysian paradigms! We Love You!"
Yeah, that sounds like a fair, balanced and independent media to me. At least as free as Peggy Noonan, or Newsmax.
Mahathir hotly denied being an anti-Semite, declaring that Arabs, too, were Semites! "I'm against Arabs and Jews as well. That is very even-handed because I am against both, not just one." Ah, yes. That makes it much better, doesn’t it?
Jack D. Ripper and Rufus T. Firefly were two of the most entertaining and memorable characters in movie history.
However, I have the distinct feeling that they don’t work quite so well went taken off the big screen and put into the big scene instead.