From anonymous.  I have my own, much smaller version of this under "humor".,

You know you are right wing if you believe....

People feel more comfortable knowing they are in the secure and caring hands of a gigantic profit-driven HMO.

Smoking tobacco cigarettes is a harmless choice that adults should make for themselves without government involvement, but smoking marijuana cigarettes is a national crisis for which the government ought to imprison anyone caught doing so.

It is patriotic to renounce one's citizenship to avoid paying taxes, and anyone who doesn't think so is a socialist.

Any woman who wants equal pay, control over her own body or thinks for herself is a wacko feminist.

The Budget Deficit is the biggest problem facing America now, and the best way to get rid of it is to lower taxes so that the government takes in less money.

The most persecuted group of people in all history are white, Christian males and it is about time they started to fight back against their oppressors

Vince Foster was personally murdered by Hillary Clinton because he knew too much about Whitewater, which is the biggest scandal in all of American History.

Because of the fact that David Koresh set his own home on fire, we live in a socialist police state.

Your AK-47 is the only thing keeping a tyrannical government from imprisoning millions of your fellow citizens in secret concentration camps. 

Forcing a rape victim to give birth to her rapist's child is a way to support good family values.

All problems in America today can be directly traced to a 1962 Supreme Court decision to bar coerced state-sponsored prayer in public schools.

Ronald Reagan is single-handedly responsible for ending the Cold War.

Sex corrupts children's minds, but violence does not, as long as it is committed by Republican movie stars such as Arnold Schwartzeneggar and Bruce Willis.

A right wing dictator is better than a left wing dictator.

Big Companies create jobs. Without their benevolence, nobody would be able to work.

A good way to promote world peace is to withdraw from the U.N., dissolve GATT and NAFTA, and ban all immigration.

Peter Jennings, making several million dollars a year and heard by millions is a member of the Elite Liberal Media, but Rush Limbaugh, making several million dollars a year and heard by millions is A Man of the People.

Giving aid to the poor is bad for them, but giving aid to business is good for the economy.

Government regulations protecting clean drinking water and edible meat are Socialism and Interference in the Free Market, but subsidized mining, grazing, logging, and defense work is just Good Government.

Part of Getting Big Government Off Our Backs includes allowing said government to monitor all our electronic traffic on the Internet. 

Because a tiny portion of the money the National Endowment for the Arts gave out went to "obscene" artists, the best solution is to just disband the whole thing.

Paying employees more money hurts the economy.

Because America ranks very low among other countries in education, the best solution is to weaken the public schools.

Commercial television is responsible for attacking morality and pandering to the base emotions, therefore, we must eliminate the only alternative, PBS.

Family planning, which cuts down on the number of unwanted pregnancies without abortion, must be eliminated so that there will be less abortions. 

It is good for the economy when major corporations fire large chunks of their work force.

Pat Buchanan, millionaire, media star, Mercedes owner, is a populist who understands what the common man wants.

The best qualification for being President is to have never held any office, to hate Washington, and to be really rich.

The United States should stay out of Bosnia because we are not the world policeman and Bosnia doesn't have any oil.

This would be a safer place to live if more citizens had more guns.

Paying government employees not to work is helping to balance the budget.

The Rules of Conservative Correctness:

(Note from Zepp:  I suspect these originally came from the brilliant keyboard of the notorous, "Conservatively Incorrect" Rack Jite)

1) if anyone disagrees with you, they are a "Democrat".

2) if anyone argues with you, they are a "Liberal".

3) if they argue with you and actually present data (formerly known as "debating"), shrug it off as "propaganda from the Liberal Media".

4) when quoting your opponent, edit his words to conform to "correctness".

5) If your opponent has an irrefutable argument, change the subject.

6) if your opponent consistently overturns your "correct" stories (anything told by Rush Limbaugh), use ad hominem attacks.

7) anyone who puts life over profits is a "tree hugger".

8) anyone who refutes or debates "correct" science (Creationism, Ecological Stability) is a "sky-is-falling" reactionary.

9) anyone who opposes the melding of religion and government is one of the "liberals" who helped create the rampant immorality today.

10) any federal program created by a Democrat, or that "looks" Democratic is "socialistic".

11) dismantling programs and restrictions on spending then sending the money to states as a "block grant" is better than having a standardized Federal program with rules.

12) giving tax money to People is "enslaving them", giving tax money to Corporations is "making jobs".

13) anything that does not turn a profit for private corporations is "an elitist" operation.

14) always take everything personally.

15) whatever your weakness is, blame it on your opponent.

16) the more narrow and prejudiced your sources, the more you project that onto your opponent.

17) when your opponent attacks a Republican/conservative President's policies, blame them on a Democratic Congress (or vice versa).

More rules:

1: Never, EVER admit mistakes, no matter how glaring.

2: Avoid opposing viewpoints as much as humanly possible, especially if you don't have the slightest idea how to counteract them without babbling and spewing insults.

3: Blame the media for everything- except your popularity (and the occasional laudatory press from the likes of U.S. News).

4: Never, never ever EVER give your opposition any credit for ANYTHING, no matter how good, kind and competent they are. If Mother Theresa joins the Clinton staff, slam her like there's no tomorrow.

5: The only thing that deserves to be recycled is a joke.

6: Read as many newspapers as you can before a show, not to catch up on the news but to find pieces of "liberal bias" that you can automatically challenge without thinking.

7: Be as tasteless and tactless as possible. Tastelessness = bad press = support from dittoheads = big ego boost.

8: When you can't find any substantial basis for attacking your opponents, question their sanity, appearance, sexual lifestyle, etc.

9: Try to get plugged by celebrities, including Charles Barkley, George Brett and Charlton Heston.

10: Act as shocked, disgusted and offended as you possibly can when your opponents use the same tactics as you. Have a fit if they use them better.

11: Contradict yourself often, just to see if they're listening.

12: Accuse anybody who disagrees with you of being a "liberal". This is known as the "McCarthy Principle".

13: Despite the fact that it's a part of your agenda, racism is no longer acceptable and must be used as subtly as possible.

14: Support ANYTHING the G.O.P. does, no matter how stupid. If the G.O.P. actually did something so stupid that you can't possibly support it, say it didn't happen.

15: Jumping to conclusions is your best bet in a tough situation. If you can't find a reason for some bad occurrence, blame Clinton.

16: Bad things that happen to people are only funny if they don't happen to (a) Americans, (b) Conservatives or (c) you.

17: Create as many catchphrases, buzzwords and cliches as you can stand.

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