I Am a Good American
Anti-Spam you can use today
by Faun Otter
July 16, 2002 (APJP)
Fellow APJ readers:
I am sick of getting spammed with that half-wit email bearing the subject
heading, "I am a BAD American."
I have finally composed a reply. Feel free to edit this to fit your own
views and then forward, post or otherwise use it anyway you see fit.
Cheers,
Faun
I have to admit it, I may be a GOOD American.
My car gets 35 miles per gallon, my domestic partner just finished their
PHd, I earn a big paycheck, don't cheat on my tax and we have no plans to get
married even though we have kids.
I believe the money borrowed by our government needs to be paid back and
not stolen from my parent's social security funds. I don't trust some board
room billionaire with a bad comb-over not to bribe his congressman into handing
out both a corporate pocket liner and a personal tax break for him to buy his
third Lexus.
I believe that if you speak more than one language, you should be proud
of this ability and should flaunt our nation's diversity.
I believe that honesty is the best personal morality regardless of which
God, if any, our nation happens to be under.
I believe that if drivers must show they are competent before being given
a license, at very least the same rules should apply to owning a gun.
I want to know who is paying Rush Limbaugh two hundred and fifty million
dollars and which parts of his script they get to feed him or edit for such
an investment. Why can't he keep his story straight from day to day? And why
is he so stuck on Clinton's penis?
I believe if you were too drunk and drugged to turn up for your national
guard service, it is called being AWOL -- or desertion. This even applies when
you have been appointed president of the United States.
I think that education is the best investment for the future of this nation,
the best way to reduce drug abuse and the only way to maintain our global leadership.
In fact, if we spent one tenth of our defense budget on schooling, we would
have the finest education system in the world and the lowest teen pregnancy
rate at the same time. Knowledge is freedom, so why are so-called conservatives
trying to replace it with superstition?
I believe everyone has a right to privacy, just stay out of our bedrooms
and our doctor's offices. This also applies to our political meetings. I believe
it's called the bill of rights for a reason.
Everyone is a minority, so we should all have exactly the same rights.
I don't use the excuse "it's the free market" as a shield for
screwing the weak or disadvantaged.
I think the confederate flag has been hi-jacked as a symbol of prejudice
and not of heritage.
My heroes are JFK, Monty Python, and whoever canceled Dr. Laura, Fake Medicine
Woman.
I don't believe the rich need the government's help to become obscenely
wealthy. I don't believe a safety net for citizens who fall on hard times is
the cause of our trillions of dollars in debt.
I know Fox News is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I know global warming is real and our oil addiction is not going to be cured
by selling more SUVs. How come we are letting the Europeans get a jump on us
in developing wind and solar power?
I recognize that we all have some skin color and different shades should
have no bearing on our access to the voting booth. No Christian is being persecuted
in America today, except perhaps by other Christians, so shut up already.
I think cops should apply the law without being above the law. I also think
they should stop drunk drivers and strip them of their license even if their
father is the President.
I think if you are too stupid to vote on the issues instead of by who you
would like to get inebriated with in a bar, I don't want you deciding who should
be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.
I think if you are selling energy, you should not be allowed to cause fake
shortages of gas or electricity in order to line your own pockets with vast
profits. I believe we should be able to breath the air without getting sick.
Our drinking water should not be filled with Arsenic and mining waste. It should
be the people who pollute these resources who pay to clean up the mess, not
you and me.
I think private schools and golf club memberships are fine if you want them,
but please don't pretend they are business costs that you should be allowed
to deduct on your taxes.
I think refusing to investigate the circumstances leading up to the murder
of 3,000 Americans should be considered treason.
I'm neither a communist nor an anarchist, no matter how desperately the
corporate owned mainstream media would like my neighbors to believe otherwise.
If that makes me a GOOD American, then yes, I'm a GOOD American.
If you too are a GOOD American please forward this to everyone you know.
We need our country back.