Total Recall pulls a Junior

Arnie’s out; Riordan’s in -- maybe; and California has a budget – maybe

by Bryan Zepp Jamieson

3/28/03

http://www.zeppscommentaries.com/Politics/recall1.htm

"I huff tot zis out most carefully, haunt I am certain zat I do not vant to be gubbiner. There are dose pictures of me with ze naked bimbo on my shoulders, unt with my magnificent vang poking out, and dose of my fadder zo cute in his Hitler Youth uniform.

"But mostly, hi do not vish to deal with schtupid voters who ask vy if I am Austrian, I do not zound like Crocodile Dundee. Plus my vife, the Kennedy, tolt me I should neffer haf normal sex again if I should run."

OK, my research staff is on vacation this week (he’s at the vet’s, getting his flea shots), so maybe that isn’t EXACTLY how Arnie bowed out of the California governor’s race. I’m glad he did, personally. I’ve always liked Arnie’s movies, and while I think he might have what it takes to hold office, I would like to see him work his way up. We have enough unqualified buffoons who use money and family name to take high office as it is. Arnie could do better, I think.

If there is one man in California who could take the governorship from Gray Davis and present any hope at all of not making matters far worse, it’s former Los Angeles Mayor Rick Riordan. And he and Arnie apparently had something of a gentleman’s agreement whereby if Arnie ran, Riordan would stay out. Presumably the corollary is true, and this means Riordan will run.

The problem, of course, is that Riordan is a moderate, and the state GOP is hagridden with right wing whacks who are enraged at the thought that America could end up a liberal secular democratic republic where the undeserving have rights and the rich have to pay taxes.

Back in the winter of 2001, I gleefully predicted that the GOP would reject Riordan, seen as the only man who could beat Davis, and run some right wing hack who would get clobbered. Turns out – surprise, surprise – that is exactly what happened.

It wasn’t a particularly amazing prediction; the state GOP has gone as far right as they could every year since 1965, and have an amazing collection of stiffs and retreads willing to pander to the John Birchers, the religious weirdos, and the "winos have second amendment rights to thermonuclear bombs!" weapons nuts.

Speaking of which, they’ve been exhuming a lot of those over the past few weeks. Some, like George Deukmejian, found polite ways to say "hell, NO!" Others like Pete Wilson, weren’t asked and didn’t offer, which never stopped pundits from speculating. (Just four years ago, Pete was being touted as Presidential timbre. The only trouble is that after eight years of him as governor, the voters thought Davis would be a dynamic and exciting change. Watching a Pete Wilson speech was a lot like sitting in a room filled with hungry mosquitoes while watching the paint on the walls dry.)

But others, Nixon-like, have risen from the grave as the night falls, and have come to suck our blood. Michael Huffington, ex-straight ex-husband to Arianna and known for his suits, which are empty, told a state that was breathlessly agog with excitement, or would have been if anyone gave a damn, that he was the perfect choice for governor.

Mrs. Michael Huffington (retired) Arianna is considering running as an independent, but much as I like her, she might be a little too rowdy for California’s somewhat timid voters. Her web site is overthrowthegovernment.com, a fact I mention only because right wingers read these essays, and I’m enough of a vicious bastard to think it’s fun to tease a paranoid.

Darryl Issa, car thief and inventor of the world’s most annoying product, was chief funder of the recall petition drive, and it’s only the sheerest coincidence that as of last week, he was the only announced candidate (after the recall was certified, 54 other candidates jumped in during the first 24 hours following – it’s doubtlessly higher by now). For some reason, Darryl, who has no qualifications, no personality, and a rap sheet nearly as long as the President’s, isn’t getting much traction, garnering only 4% support in the Field Poll. Funny: he’s arrogant, unpleasant, contemptuous of the democratic process and the people. You would think he’s perfect for the GOP.

Ted Costa, who is one of those dim anti-tax crusaders who thinks the kind of orderly society is one in which nobody has to contribute to it, want’s Condi Rice to run. Since Condi’s biggest contribution to poli-sci policy is appearing on the Sabbath gasbag TV shows and telling whoppers on behalf of Putsch with a guileless expression, it’s safe to assume Costa is promoting the GOP policy that voters won’t dare vote against a candidate who is black and female. Even if they’re against Affirmative Action.

Lungren is talking about running. He’s the fellow Davis thumped in ‘98. He’s one of these vaguely creepy, pasty extreme right types who looks like he could play the role of the playwright in "The Producers."

And of course Bill Simon is thinking about it. He’s the aforementioned right wing whack who beat Riordan in the primaries (and Davis, who is a shrewd sob, promoted the notion in right wing circles that Riordan was a dangerous moderate) whose campaign promptly imploded and who was considered dead by the end of August in that race. And Davis was already down to about 35% approval at that point: Mike Tyson should have been able to beat him.

But I think that the recall is going to prove to be little more than a sideshow. Even now, public support for the recall is only 51%, and Davis is campaigning, sensibly enough, on the notion that the whole recall is nothing more than a power grab by the far right. (If Riordan is in the lead, he might have to modify that, of course). Davis may not be much of a governor, but he is incredibly good at fundraising and campaigning. That this exposes the flaws of our election mechanisms rather than the virtues is besides the point: under the present system, he’s heavily favored to win. Money can’t buy happiness, and campaigning doesn’t make great leadership, but those do win elections.

Davis has to be leery of the left (Peter Camejo, the personable leftist, is running as a Green, and everyone immediately thinks of Ralph Nader) and his own party, where rumors are that Senator Dianne Feinstein is still weighing her options. Feinstein, like Davis, is a centrist, but unlike Davis, has solid voter support.

Another thing that might help Davis is that we now appear to be on the verge of finally having a budget. John Burton, ranking Democrat in the State Senate, said "There’s something in here for almost everybody to hate." And that’s true. Vehicle registration rates will triple (in CALIFORNIA, yes!), $10.8 billion will be shunted off into debt bonds, manufacturers will lose their tax credits, and services will be slashed. Even worse, much of the balancing is accounting smoke and mirrors, and we’ll be doing the same dance again next year, no matter who the governor is.

Both Burton and his Republican counterpart, Jim Brulte, described the budget this way: "It was the best we could do." If that seems somewhat less than a ringing endorsement, then chalk it up to a gust of political honesty on the part of the two gentlemen.

The Terminator is gone, the curtain has dropped.

Fade to Gray.