SOTU 2008

...don’t let the door hit you on the ass

©Bryan Zepp Jamieson
http://www.zeppscommentaries.com/Politics/sotu08.htm
1/28/08

It’s the last State of the Union address Putsch will ever give.

See? You feel better already.

If you missed it, well, don’t worry. Most SOTUs tend to be light on substance to begin with, and when given by this brittle little insubstantial failed president, such a speech tends to evanesce into ghost turds and peyote promises.

The Republicans in Congress were dutiful, storming to their feet in wild applause every time Putsch mentioned cutting taxes or fighting terrorists, but they didn’t look too happy doing it. Most wore the kinds of fixed, glassy smiles that one associates with 1850 daguerreotypes. Probably for much the same reason: even a politician can only hold that rictus for so long.

The pundits were talking about Putsch’s legacy, but Putsch himself didn’t seem too interested in that. Given that his legacy is likely to be that his family will do well if the country doesn’t elect to sterilize his daughters and thus end the family line, that’s probably understandable.

But that didn’t stop him from claiming glory in his overseas adventures (even as five more Americans died for no reason at all in Mosul) or by simply lying about his domestic achievements, such as No Child Left Behind (which has made kids more proficient at taking state tests by a faint margin) or the fact that the economy hasn’t completely collapsed.

He did signal the latest round of Newspeak from the far right of the GOP. He started talking about “Pell Grants for kids”, which is GOPhese for “vouchers.” Yes, his No Child Left Behind program has worked so well he wants to dismantle those schools he just finished taking credit for and replace them with for-profit flat earth academies.

Pell Grants are government scholarships to private colleges, including church-owned ones, such as Notre Dame. The grants are for adults, and obviously, they are not compelled to attend that, or any college. Further, the colleges may not make any religious-based class a prerequisite for graduation or accreditation. I’ve always been dubious about them simply because the religious powermongers were bound to try and leverage them into a grab for more unwonted (and unwanted) religious influence in schools, and, well, here we are. Of course, kids aren’t adults, their attendance in school is mandatory, No Kid Left Behind is aimed at eliminating schools without the funding and support to pass the idiot tests, and it gives churches more control over what kids learn. This is not a good thing.

The funniest moment in the speech came when, after seven years, Putsch suddenly discovered that Congress was wasteful, over-spent, and [gasp!] members often earmarked funds for their districts! Oh, the horror! Why didn’t someone tell him about this SOONER!?

So he’s gone to war against earmarks, vowing to veto any bill whose earmarks aren’t one half or less those of the previous years’ budget.

The GOP has already learned the trick of simply not doing their Constitutional duty and foisting off the budget on the next Congress to come in (that’s what they did in 2006 after it became apparent that they were going to lose the House) in order to make it harder for them to make changes and address other critically needed legislation. It’s unconscionable and a violation of their oath of office, but it’s the sort of sleazy, underhanded tactic at which the GOP excels.

Now, if House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and House Appropriations Committee Chair David R. Obey were willing to play a little hardball, they could start by simply rejecting all earmarks submitted by a Republican. Even though they are the minority, they have most of the earmarks, a hangover from the huge borrow-and-spend binge they enjoyed between 2001 and 2007. Let’s see Putsch veto THAT! Oh, yeah....

Putsch also thinks that letting the rich keep the free ride he gave them will prevent a recession, and promised to veto any bill that raised taxes. Apparently, even though he warned that Congress must act immediately to stop the tax cuts for the rich from terming out, he doesn’t quite realize that all the Dems have to do is block discussion and let the clock run out.

After seven years, it will probably be a revelation to Putsch that he can’t veto Congressional inaction. Should be fun watching him pout when the realization crashes in on him that he may not get his way.

Nancy Pelosi, incidently, wasn’t even feigning polite interest in what Putsch had to say. She was leafing through a booklet of some sort, possibly the programme for the evening’s events. It may have been in one of the manila envelopes that Putsch handed out, one to Dick Cheney and one to Pelosi. Cheney glanced at the one offered him, murmured something, and Putsch rapidly switched envelopes. Either he didn’t bother to read the names on the envelopes, or he simply forgot which one was Pelosi and which one was Cheney.

Well, it’s hard being the President.

For me, the biggest laugh came when he started talking about health care, and how important it was that health care be determined by doctors (working for insurance companies, of course) rather than by government.

Two words flickered into my mind. The first was “Terri.” The second was “Schiavo.” And I remembered Putsch doing something he couldn’t even do on 9/11, and rushing back to Washington to sign emergency legislation that would, had the courts not struck it down, have forced Schiavo’s doctors to keep the hopelessly brain damaged woman alive against all reason. He didn’t rush back for Katrina, and he didn’t rush back when Bhutto was assassinated. But he did rush back to make sure government, and not doctors, controlled Terri Schiavo’s medical fate.

Remember: this is the last SOTU we’ll hear from this fatuous, deceitful moron.

So cheer up.

And pay me lavishly for listening to his drivel so you don’t have to.