Boolyah!

Putsch unembarrassed by devastating EPA report on global warming

by Bryan Zepp Jamieson
06/10/02
http://www.zeppscommentaries.com/Sociology/gwarming.htm

The Putsch administration, like a cat trying to cover up a mistake on the kitchen floor, tried burying a climate report on global warming (required of it by a 1992 treaty) on the web, deep in the electronic bowels of the EPA.

How deep?

Here's the url: www.epa .gov/globalwarming/publications /car/

Rumor has it that as you exit that page, you will see the skeletal remains of people who were running Mosaic on their 486s and foolishly forgot to bring food and water with them to visit that far into the EPA. In 1992, the net was not for sissies.

No public announcement was made that the report was completed and posted. While it's impossible to believe that the arrogant, criminal clods in the Republican party are capable of embarrassment, they can at least tell when they are confronted with an irrefutable truth that will cause them political damage, and will attempt to cover it up. Putsch may be too lazy to work, but he isn't too stupid to lie and conceal.

The report, like its predecessor the year before, utterly dismantles the vile corporate lie that there is no global warming, and that they aren't responsible for it if there is. The report states unambiguously, like its predecessor, that global warming is a) real and b) man-made. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Even Putsch had to admit the report stripped away the last vestiges of debate about global warming. Reverting in his flusteration to his native tongue, Texas Boolyah Dipshit, he explained that the report was just something they had to do to satisfy the bureaucrats at the UN. "I read that report put out by bureaucrats," he said. Probably the same attitude he had toward terrorism reports put out by American intelligence bureaucrats.

Putsch knows his voting base. By definition, half the country has below average intelligence. Blaming faceless government bureaucrats sells with idiots capable of believing that doing a hand count in a close election is somehow bad for democracy.

Then he proceeded to say something truly remarkable, something so coldly and cynically stupid, something so insulting to the intelligence of everyone in the world that even I didn't expect it

He said that the damage was already done, and so there was no point in trying to reduce CO2 emissions, but rather, we should try to adapt to changing conditions.

The sad thing is that Christine Whitman obviously leaned on the EPA to soft pedal the bad news as much as possible. The report itself talks, in glowing terms, of the ability of Americans and American industry to adapt. So what if we lose a few mountain meadows and wet lands and coastal cities? We're adaptable. We can fix any mess we make. Just like we always fix the messes we make. Boolyah! I'm sure the rest of the world is happy to hear that.

The "changing conditions" envisioned should be enough to turn America into a third world country. Various models show that within two generations, snow on the western mountains should be a happy memory, leaving the sixty million people living there without a source of drinking water. The midwest, presently referred to as "the breadbasket" and capable of feeding the world by itself, will be desert. The south stands a fair chance to inherit the type of climate that Bangladesh now enjoys.

All so Putsch's handlers can keep on making huge profits in the deliberate waste of irreplaceable fossil fuels. Can you say "boolyah!" dittoheads?

He says the damage is already done. If rape is inevitable, just lie back and enjoy it. And it is true that if we start to seriously address the issue right now, things will just keep getting worse for the next 25 years or so.

But if we start addressing the problem now, things will start to improve after 25 years. If we don't, things just keep getting worse. Our children will be contemptuous of us for the mess we are leaving them.

They can be contemptuous now. Ari Fleischer blurted out that contrary to what he claimed, Putsch didn't even read the report. Now, this isn't exactly earth-shattering news in and of itself. Nobody expects that moron to read a 268 page report that has big words and no places to crayon, and everyone filed that in the same category of Bushwah as the claim that he agonized over stem cell research, or the one about choking on a pretzel.

But it's a hell of a note when you're the President, supposedly, and your own press flack basically proves you're a liar.

Of course, don't expect Ari to suffer for it. Putsch, with his characteristic smirk, will pretend it didn't happen. His attitude is, "Sure I'm lying. What are you going to do about it? I've got Wall Street and the religious nuts and they'll back me if I take a dump in the Rose Garden. So yeah. I'm lying. So what? Go suck eggs!"

And of course, the media will go suck eggs.

But in the days following the non-release of the report, two other stories emerged. One was a report suggesting that given the expected temperature increase alone, and assuming rain/snow levels remain the same (an optimistic assumption), California's snow pack will average 82% less in 50 years. For a state where 25 million of the 32 million are directly relying on that snowpack, that's catastrophic news.

Then a couple of days later, another report suggested that water percolating down through the melting Greenland glaciers could form a pool that would act as a kind of a lubricant between the glacial bottom and the land surface, with the result that huge chunks of the ice cap could go spilling into the ocean all at once, creating immense waves.

But that's ok. We're adaptable. We're resourceful.

We'll deal with it by turning the air conditioning up.

Boolyah!