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Vonnegut and the Olympic Torch |
4/7/08 |
If you’re going to go looking for hope in a
hopeless world, Kurt Vonnegut is usually not the first writer who comes to
mind. He’s a funny choice, both because the term “mordant humor” fitted him
like a glove, and because he wasn’t exactly noted for a hopeful tone.
None the less, I managed to find that in a brilliant piece in Salon that my
friend Jim passed along. The writer, Steve Almond, prefaces a quote by
Vonnegut relating to the vicious brutality of Americans toward the German
people, and cites it as an example of the “prophetic role” Vonnegut played,
and asks us to substitute Iraq for Germany in the following passage of
Vonnegut’s, in an essay called “Wailing Shall Be in All Streets.” from his
posthumous work, “Armageddon in Retrospect”:
“But the ‘Get Tough America’ policy, the spirit of revenge, the approbation
of all destruction and killing, has earned us a name for obscene brutality,
and cost the World the possibility of Germany becoming a peaceful and
intellectually fruitful nation in anything but the most remote future.”
Western Germany was peaceful and intellectually fruitful by 1960. East
Germany had to fall and be subsumed back into a whole Germany before
Vonnegut’s prophecy was betrayed, but that has happened.
Well, there’s a ray of hope for Iraq. If the Americans leave, or at least
stop occupying the country, Iraq might be a fruitful and peaceful nation
again some day. I wonder what Vonnegut would have thought of that? He
probably would have smiled a sad little smile and said, “Imagine that.” |
| A
Chinaman's Chance |
3/31/08 |
With all the bad economic news that’s been
going around, I thought I might mention that there is a bit of good news, a
faint beam of hope that might save America’s economy from imploding.
Of course, this good news involves untold misery for billions of people, and
quite possibly such things as mass starvation, war, and revolution, but in
economics, that’s considered good news.
Now you know why they call it “the dismal science.” It’s still not clear why
it’s called a “science” of course, since most economists are about as well
equipped to provide a solid analysis and build a model of what we can expect
as your average psychologist or diviner of chicken entrails.
One other caveat: when Wall Street types talk about economic good news, that
doesn’t translate into a wage hike for you, or even 10% off on beets at the
local market. In fact, it usually means that you’ve been made expendable,
and your role, if any, is that of “fodder.” If you’re lucky. More than
likely they’ll make the water boil by setting fire to you and stuffing you
under the pot.
So when I say “good news,” you might want to take that with a grain of salt.
Starvation, hopelessness, despair. That type of good news. Okay? |
| Change for a Time |
3/9/08 |
Back in 2005, there was an energy crisis.
Gasoline threatened to go over $2.00 a gallon as oil prices surged to the
$40 a barrel mark. The south was getting chewed up so badly by storms off
the Atlantic that there was a move to simply rename every hurricane “General
Sherman” and have done with it.
It was the crisis we now refer to as “the good old days.”
George, of course, handled the crisis with the intelligence and depth of
thought that have become his hallmark. He convinced a complaisant Congress
that drastic and immediate measures must be taken, and Congress rose to the
occasion in much the way that they rose to most occasions, and passed a law
and had it on the President’s desk in just two short weeks, revealing a
masterplan to solve the energy crisis by adding an extra four weeks to
daylight savings time, beginning in a little over two years.
Jubilant Americans poured into the streets, singing hosannas to the GOP and
showering their courageous and far-seeing congressional representatives with
flowers and $100 bills. I’m sure you remember all this, and the drugs
haven’t really done all that much damage.
The theory is this. People get up in the daylight, and don’t usually use
much energy before going to school or work or whatever. A quick shower,
breakfast, and they’re outta there. It’s in the evening that they turn on
all the lights and eat energy by the ton, and if there is an extra hour of
daylight in the evening, they put the lights on an hour later. |
| So How
Do You Like Our Winters? |
1/31/08 |
A few years after I moved to Siskiyou County,
we had a fourteen-foot snowstorm. It buried everything. The morning after
the storm, I woke up at 8am, and the house was still dark. The snow had
piled up past the roof eaves. Our dogs dug us out.
A few days after, when the power came back and phone service was restored,
an acquaintance, fond of twitting new arrivals from Southern California,
called and asked me how I liked the Siskiyou County winters.
Well, I had lived in Southern California for quite a few years prior to
moving, but originally, I’m from Canada, and if there is one thing about
Canada that all Canadians take pride in, it’s the rotten weather. I wasn’t
about to let the side down.
I leaned back in my chair and waved a hand dismissively, a foolish thing to
do since we were talking on the phone and he couldn’t see me. “Aw, you guys
have POOOSSEY winters!”
I suspect that rankled, because yesterday, after six weeks of blowing and
drifting snow and fierce winds and temperatures that hovered below freezing
for weeks on end, he called me up and asked me the same question. Fifteen
years later. |
| A
Sentimental Journey |
1/22/08 |
“Trading on sentiment” is the latest
euphemism for “panic”. You don’t actually want to SAY “panic” because that
might make nervous investors trade on sentiment. The banks don’t have
panics. They just get sentimental. Those bankers just get a little
misty-eyed, is all. And the Crash of 1929 and ensuing great Depression
weren’t economic catastrophes; they were just a sentimental journey.
Yesterday marked a first in American history in that Martin Luther King, Jr.
saved Wall Street’s ass. He didn’t MEAN to, of course. He probably wouldn’t
have bore them any malice, but, what with being dead and all, he wasn’t
going to be taking a real proactive role in current events.
But it was the official recognition of his birthday, which, like all
American holidays, fell on a date which had nothing to do with the event it
was meant to commemorate.
As a result, Wall Street was closed, and traders in the US got to huddle
behind closed signs with MLK’s image on them while the rest of the world
went to hell in a hand basket.
And hand basket it did. The traders were trading on sentiment, rather than
with the calm, deliberative waltzes with which these mover and shakers
normally guild human destiny. “Trading on sentiment”, on the other hand
meant the traders were screaming, setting fire to cars, biting the knobs off
fire hydrants and pissing themselves. About like any other trading day,
except this time, they were losing gobs of money. Most had the worst day
seen since 9/11. |
|
Winter Solstice 2007 |
12/20/07 |
Back around mid 1945, the world changed.
World War II had ended, Europe and Japan were desolate ruins, and the rest
of the world was still in shock and horror at the atrocities they found in
the death camps of eastern Europe and Germany.
“Never again” became a mantra, not only of the Jews who survived the
Holocaust, but of all decent people who looked at the incredible destruction
and gaped at the horror of the nuclear explosions over Japan.
For a brief time, it looked like the changes would be profound and far
reaching. Humanity may have learned something from the horror of the war.
The UN was founded. The Marshall Plan fed Europe, saving millions. The
allies treated the people of the defeated countries with respect and
decency, and it paid off with peaceful, friendly allies where there had been
mortal enemies.
62 years on, it’s clear that while the war DID bring about a change in human
affairs, but it wasn’t as comprehensive and far reaching as the shocked
idealists of 1945 had hoped. |
| What to
Give Thanks For |
11/21/07 |
Perhaps one of the best gifts Americans gave
themselves was the ability, on Thanksgiving Day, to NOT give thanks if they
don’t feel like it. Nobody has their knee on your throat, demanding that you
give thanks to their god for everything including stuff that is flat-out
embarrassing to feel grateful for, but which the fundamentalist will demand
of you, such as being glad that god didn’t flood the earth this week.
Similarly, if you believe in a god or gods, nobody is saying you can’t give
thanks. You can’t use tax dollars to do so, but aside from that, you have
complete freedom.
The greatest irony of freedom is that the most startling beneficiaries of
freedom are those who would destroy it. You have the right to argue that
people shouldn’t have constitutional rights. In a tyranny you might have the
same ability, but you wouldn’t have the personal choice that leads to it.
On this thanksgiving holiday, the papers are full of stories about how
Dominionists (people who believe that god and not the people have
sovereignty in America) and other religious bullies have been pressuring and
punishing a goodly number of our military personnel who don’t want to
worship their version of god. Police in San Diego want to mark “Muslim
neighborhoods” as potential terrorist hotbeds, despite the fact that there
are probably a lower percentage of terrorists there than one might find in
Idaho. Simultaneously, you have stories of religion trying to impose itself
on the state, and the state trying to impose itself on religion. |
| The
Fire-Touched |
10/23/07 |
They call them the devil winds, but that’s
not a good name.
One thinks of Efrits: also from hot and dry places, but capricious, even
mischievous, and always malevolent. The devil winds can be capricious,
flickering into lives and destroying them and sparing others, but they are
not mischievous, nor are they malevolent.
They simply are. They are the hard, cruel power of nature, a black scream
across a red sky. As remote and indifferent as the furthest galaxy, pregnant
with fire and dust, they are oblivious to the plight of the humans they
encounter.
But the fire that they carry IS mischievous and malevolent.
The Santa Ana winds have their own majesty. I remember the first time I
encountered them, on a cool, damp September evening some 44 years ago on
California’s south coast. What they now call “the fog monster” – night and
morning low cloud – had moved in before dusk, turning the evening chill and
damp. I was outside, walking my aunt’s dog, accompanied by my uncle, who
spun tales of a magic land where the televisions had six channels and the
folks up on the hill were getting color televisions. It was almost full
dark, but my uncle pointed to the mountains. I looked. |
|
Feeling Depressed? |
7/11/07 |
I spotted a news story today that former
Surgeon General Richard H. Carmona had accused the administration of trying
“to weaken or suppress important public health reports because of political
considerations.” I passed the story along with the notation, “Oh, now
THERE’S a shocker!” This administration’s delight in making all functions of
government subordinate to the political imperatives of the Republican Party
is no longer disputed by any impartial observer.
The story of the admin changing, burying, or flat-out lying about everything
from global warming to evolution is well known. Likewise their attempts to
politicize the courts, the military, and the media.
But in politics, pocketbook issues are paramount. People vote with their
wallets. So if you think this admin tries to control science and justice,
just imagine what they do about information concerning the state of the
American economy! |
| Oh Say
Can You Sing? |
7/4/07 |
During this past spring’s Stanley Cup, some
of the games were hosted in Ottawa, the Canadian capital. In the first game
there, one of the American TV announcers was openly amazed that when the
national anthem for Canada played, the crowd sang along.
It isn’t that Canadians are a hyper-patriotic lot. They aren’t. By and
large, Canadians don’t go for flag waving and chants of “we’re number one!”
and if they stick a maple leaf on their suitcase or back packs, it’s not so
much a statement of national pride as it is a message to terrorists: “I’m
not an American, so please don’t shoot me.”
The only real element that makes a hockey game in Canada different from one
in Buffalo is that the national anthem can be sung by most people. As
anthems go, it’s not bad. That’s damning with faint praise since I lump
anthems in with the category of “military music” and I adhere to the old
dictum that military music is to music as military intelligence is to
intelligence.
If you want to compare the Canadian national anthem to actual music, then
it’s safe to say that it sounds like a set of bagpipes, run over by a truck
and left dying by the side of the road. But it’s singable. Or at least
droneable. |
| Memorial
Day 2007 |
5/29/07 |
I wonder how many US troops will be dead by
Memorial Day 2008?
I’m betting that it will be over five thousand, and possibly worse. You see,
it’s 456 dead since New Years’ Day, 991 dead since Memorial Day last year.
The pace is accelerating.
This war doesn’t have any brakes, and it doesn’t have any steering. It can
only pick up steam as it rolls downhill. The Republicans, in their vacant
viciousness, don’t much care how many people get killed just so long as they
can get elected, and the Democrats, in their quivering cowardice, don’t much
care how many people get killed just so long as they can get elected, too.
So you have a government of opportunists and weaklings who are utterly
incapable of taking the reins and slowing the runaway. |
|
Taking Their Medicine |
5/7/07 |
It’s being noted around that the Republican
candidates, with the exception of Mittens Romney, just aren’t performing up
to expectations as far as fund raising goes. Reporters are questioning if
McCain is actually even trying to raise every penny he can, and while they
excuse it based on his “distaste” for fund raising (boy, is HE in the wrong
racket!), the fact is that he probably isn’t trying as hard as he could.
His reasons are his own, of course, but I can’t help but think that he’s
concluded what poll after poll has shown: next year is going to be an
electoral blowout. If Iraq is still at a full boil with Americans getting
killed every day, and the economy is as bad or worse for working people as
it is now, then not only would just about any Democrat beat any Republican
running for president (and recent polls show Edwards, Hillary Clinton and
Obama all leading the top GOP candidates, Guiliani and McCain), but there
could be an electoral massacre in the House of 1932 proportions. The Dems
could even end up with a super majority in the Senate.
Even if by some miracle he DID win, would he really want to face a
Democratic Congress with veto-proof majorities in both chambers? McCain
might be crazy, but he’s not stupid.
People point to the occupation of Iraq as a reason for the party’s
unpopularity, but that actually presents itself in those stellar 28%
approval ratings that Putsch is racking up. And while all ten of the little
people running for the office profess “support for our brave troops,” McCain
is the only one who has let the occupation become an albatross around his
neck. All the others might vow to stay the course, but McCain is the only
one easily identified as being associated with the quagmire.
|
| The Chos
Amongst Us |
4/21/07 |
Back when we lived in southern California, my
wife and I managed a small group of apartments. It got us a sizeable break
on the rent, and for the nine years we did it, we only had one eviction (and
I was amused when a year or so later I ran into him and he apologized for
the events that led to his eviction). It was a good gig.
But we had one tenant who was seriously crazy. He spent some of his time
curled up in a ball, lost in paranoid terrors, and the other half exalting
that he could do anything. He had a sexual fixation on Billy Mumy, the
then-ten-year-old child star on the old TV series “Lost in Space”. Some days
he would play a warbly old LP of “American Pie” twenty or thirty times.
Satan, or evil forces, were usually everywhere, and could be combated by
eating only food that was white. He would talk about going out in a blaze of
glory.
He wasn’t, as a rule, pugnacious or even particularly hostile. He didn’t
make any direct threats, and in his calmer periods, could be pleasant,
albeit strange.
But then he would go off on a screaming jag, and we would call mental health
services and report that our resident 51-50 was erupting again, and they
would haul him off for a “ninety-six” – a forced mental health evaluation at
the local facility that was supposed to last four days and involve
interaction, when possible, with a trained counselor. In reality, he would
come back within a day, tranked to the gills and in a state of enforced
lassitude that usually got him past the crest of his latest episode. This
was in the 1980s, and County mental health – deficient as it was back then –
was far better than it is today. |
| Molly |
1/31/07 |
I remember reading Molly Ivins’ column a few
days after her father died. She detailed his strength and humor, and how the
cancer had picked him apart a little bit at a time, but how he kept his
courage right to the end.
Then she spoke of him stepping out back on the porch to enjoy a few minutes
sunlight, and how she heard the shot, and went out and found his body.
Writing about something so deeply and painfully intimate as that, knowing
that millions would be reading it, was an act of extraordinary courage.
Baring your soul, discussing openly and courageously what in many families
would be a dark, never-discussed secret.
Not all of Molly’s readers were friends. Some were anxious to find a way of
hurting her. I’m sure some of them tried. I’m equally sure that Molly saw
them coming ten miles away.
Molly could take extraordinary courage and make it seem a commonplace. She
was able to find it in others because she had it in herself. |
Southern Daybreak
Solstice 2006 |
12/21/06 |
Anyone who has ever lived in the True North
knows what the first sunrise after the winter solstice is like. On a day
that most people have marked on their calendars, there is a glint of
sunlight almost directly south. It’s a sad and lonely little thing, this
southern sunrise, unable to raise the temperature and lasting only a minute
or so. Then the sun sets again, followed by a long twilight. But it comes
after up after weeks or months of no sun at all, and it lifts the spirits of
the people in a way that no other unfulfilled promise can.
There’s a song I’ve heard on Vinyl Café a couple of times. The main lyric is
“In the cities lies the heart of Canada, but its soul lies in the north.”
That’s probably true of all countries that cross the Arctic Circle, whether
in Scandinavia or Russia or a place like Alaska, a state that has an
entirely different identity when you get into the far north.
Fairbanks isn’t True North as the Eskimos reckon it. Nor is Yellowknife, or
Iqaluit. All are below the Arctic Circle, and all see light year round. You
have to go to the North Slope, or the vast, flat islands of northern Canada
for that. Few people can handle the dark, especially when it’s combined with
fantastic cold and horrible storms. Most humans need that little glint of
light, that reassurance that they are still in the known world. |
| Avatar,
The Last Airbender |
9/18/06 |
Kevin McDonough, television critic for the
Sacramento Bee, was wildly effusive. He wrote, “I can’t say I understand the
appeal of the cartoon series ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender,’ but it has
definitely found a faithful audience. In this epic tale, the world is in
peril because the four forces of nature are out of balance. The Fire Nation
has become dominant and destructive. Two impish kids discover the Avatar in
some kind of frozen glacier and hope that he can set things right. The
dialog and action bounces between typical teenage high jinks and deadly
serious combat, with the world itself in the balance.”
Oh, wait. That wasn’t effusive. In fact, it was the sort of thing a critic
who hates a show might write because his editor has told him the paper will
get complaints if he doesn’t mention that a new season starts tonight. I
could hear his teeth grinding between each line.
Nor did he write anything about the show that couldn’t be discerned from the
opening credits. I’m surprised he didn’t complain that the Avatar rides a
giant flying bison and has a pet lemur. (I’m happy to report that neither
animal talks, and indeed they have the communication skills of an average
house cat). My wife and I, already planning to watch the cartoon, were
amused at McDonough’s sour review. He couldn’t have watched more than a few
minutes from an episode chosen at random.
I know this, because I caught a few minutes of the show at random almost a
year ago. It was Thanksgiving, and the weather was rotten. The turkey was in
the oven slowly desiccating, the cats and dogs were antsy because something
delicious was being destroyed by my cooking skills, and my wife had retired
to her den to do some beadwork. I was feeling antsy myself, due to the
prospect of four days pretty much stuck inside because the weather wasn’t
going to cooperate. I didn’t feel like writing, I didn’t feel like reading,
I didn’t feel like surfing the web. I was in a pet. So I did something I
hardly ever do: I started clicking the TV remote, looking to see if there
was anything even vaguely interesting on.
|
|
Minimum Outrage |
9/4/06 |
The woman at the local restaurant wasn’t
happy about the state minimum wage being raised from $6.75 to $8.00.
“I’ve been at that restaurant for three years now, and I busted my hump to
get those raises,” she said, mentioning that she earned $7.75 an hour, or a
dollar above minimum wage. “Now kids will be starting as dishwashers and
they’ll be making more than I am now!”
I pointed out that if she had already earned those raises, then her base pay
should remain a dollar above minimum wage, which would mean a seventy-five
cent raise in January, and a second raise of the same amount the following
January. She looked a bit dubious, and I didn’t blame her. In America, where
non-union workers have no rights and no protections, demanding a raise – or
two days in a row off, or pay for overtime work – can get you fired for no
cause.
“The restaurant will have to raise prices” she offered.
“Didn’t it raise prices already this summer?” In fact, it had. Higher food
costs, mostly a result of increased gas prices. The restaurant owners didn’t
beat their breasts over that. After all, inflated fuel prices are just a
legitimate market force, unlike labor, which is a damned nuisance and should
be grateful to get any pay at all. So the restaurant, a chain of some 30,
raised prices without any grandstanding howls of rage against big oil, and
quietly shelled out about $40,000 for glossy new menus that reflected the
price increases. |
| Home
for the Holidays |
5/31/06 |
Every so often, I get email from someone filled with breathless enthusiasms. “ If
only,” they gush, “people would stop buying gasoline for just one day, that
would really show the oil consortiums we mean business.” Since nobody likes the
oil cartel anyway, and it never hurts to reduce gasoline use, it’s easy to see
why some people get enthused.
But it’s even easier to see why the vast majority don’t get enthused. You
piously observe “Gasless Tuesday” and don’t buy gas on that day. But then on
Wednesday, you go and fill up the tank, which is now on fumes. Like most people,
you realize that you aren’t actually reducing fuel consumption at all, because
you still have to work and the kids still have to get to practice and about the
only think you can do to reduce gas usage is let the engine spend one minute
less idling in the morning. So you just blow it off and hope someday you can
afford a Hybrid.
The
result is that the oil companies don’t even notice “Gasless Tuesday.” Even if
sales are down .1% that day, they go that much higher the next. |
| Change
for a Time |
3/20/06 |
During World War II, Great Britain had
something called “Double War Time”. Come spring, the clocks were set forward
by TWO hours, instead of the one most of us are used to. What it did was
force everyone into going to bed shortly after sunset and get up at the
crack of dawn. It doubtlessly saved a lot of energy in the industrial south
of the island where the population was.
But a family friend was stationed in the islands north of Scotland, and he
found the time change to be nothing but a pain in the ass. One day, sunrise
would be about 6 am, and sunset about 6pm. The next day, sunrise was 8 am,
and sunset 8pm, which brought on a form of jet lag.
Further, as spring wheeled toward summer, and the days got longer, he would
find that sunrise might be about 5am, which wasn’t too unreasonable, but
sunset was about midnight! Worse still, the long twilight characteristic of
northern latitudes meant that it didn’t get full dark until about 1:30 am,
and started getting light again about 3:30. So Double War Time or not, he
was going to bed in full daylight, and waking up in full daylight. All the
time change did for him was cause him to spend an extra two hours trying to
get to sleep each “evening” while the sun lingered deep in the southwest. So
he not only didn’t save any electricity from the time change, but found his
normal diurnal cycle being messed with. It was counterproductive. |
| Five
Rings in the Hole |
2/20/06 |
There has been much wailing and gnashing
of teeth over at NBC over the fact that the broadcasts of the XX Olympiad
have been . . . well . . . disappointing. Seems that NBC has been getting
slapped around by the competition, including Fox’s “American Idol.”
Various reasons have been given for this. Part of it is the indisputable
(and to me, inexplicable) popularity of “American Idol.” I don’t know why 30
million people would want to see and watch Simon the Cow’s well-practiced
sadism, but I suspect that they look at the untalented types that are used
by the program to reassure themselves that they are better than some of the
finalists in America’s biggest talent show. It’s good psychology on the part
of the show’s producers, but it cuts deeply into a demographic that NBC, for
better or for worse, had been pandering to in its previous Olympic
broadcasts.
There’s also the fact that the Americans haven’t been doing all that well
this year. Michelle Kwan had to leave with a groin injury, and Bode Miller
learned that the judges aren’t too forgiving about missing gates, even if it
did result in a better time. The Women’s hockey team, upset in a shootout
with Sweden, will have to settle for a bronze if they win the consolation
game, and the men’s hockey team managed an embarrassing 3-3 tie against
Latvia, endangering their medal hopes. (The joke making the rounds is that
the Latvian team consists of NHL players who couldn’t qualify for the Czech
or Canadian teams – not that they’ve been tearing up the rink, either.
Switzerland, a team of amateurs, defeated mighty Canada 2-0 yesterday, and
while I want Canada to win the gold medal, I was grinning from ear to ear.)
If it wasn’t for the Snowboarding, a sport America still owns, they would be
in a race for 8th place with Olympic powerhouse South Korea. Even there,
they had an embarrassing miscue when one of the ‘boarders, gold medal
apparently in hand, added a little flourish to her routine that caused her
to, um, fall down just before the finish line. (I felt sorry for the kid.
The rest of her life is going to resemble a Vonnegut novel unless she
redeems herself at the 2010 Olympics in BC.) |
|
Selling the Emperor's Clothes |
2/2/06 |
Everyone knows about the administration
paying hack journalists to write fulsome pieces about various aspects of
administration policy, such as the “no child left behind” educational train
wreck.
There’s those goofy backdrops that came into vogue during the Putsch
campaign in 2000. “Reformer with results,” “Compassionate conservative,” and
other idiotic phrases that have become the stuff of cartoonist lore. Now
that it’s widely seen as a bad joke, Democrats have adopted the practice,
which tells you something about the political acumen of Democrats.
There’s the bill names. “No child left behind” was a misnomer from the start
(I suggested at the time that is was a politer way of saying “Leave no
survivors”), and all the other rape-and-run initiatives have equally
inappropriate names: “Clean Skies” and “Healthy Forests” (well, a tree that
has been converted into a two by four technically is not a sick tree, I
suppose). And of course, there’s that nasty little piece of treason against
everyone in America: the PATRIOT ACT. |
|
Looking Ahead |
1/2/06 |
Happy Holy Shit Day.
January 1st is Holy Shit Day. Locally, our weather can be a little
rambunctious this time of year, and that means that if you look outside you
are likely to see something like a large inland sea where the town’s main
intersection should be, or you can’t see anything at all because you got
fourteen feet of snow.
Yeah. Holy Shit.
I went out and peered around at first light, filled with dread and loathing,
which is generally a good way to greet the new year. All the houses, trees
and hills were all pretty much where I left them last night, but it was
raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock, which was bad news for folks
downhill from me. Here, the porous volcanic ground seems to have an infinite
capacity to absorb water. We’ve had nearly 30 inches of rain over the past
two weeks, and there’s nary a puddle to be seen.
There was no sign of Mt. Shasta, which caused me mild alarm until I
remembered that you usually can’t see the mountain in bad weather. One time
a friend drove through. He explained that he didn’t stop because the weather
was really bad (a wise choice – we had a major blizzard going on at my
house) but it was his first time along the I-5 corridor, and he finally got
to see Mt. Shasta. “I was surprised,” he said. “I thought it would be
bigger.” I thought for a minute. You can’t see the mountain from the highway
in bad weather. But you -can- see Black Butte, a volcanic cone that rises
1,200 feet immediately east of I-5. My friend had seen that modest little
protuberance and jumped to a conclusion. I figure I should make a T-shirt
that says “Mt. Shasta, California” at the top, has a picture of Black Butte,
and the quote, “I was surprised. It looked much bigger in the brochure.” |
|
Solstice 2005 |
12/21/05 |
On November 21, 2005, a very, very old
Scotsman who spent nearly all of his life trying to forget his youth died.
Alfred Anderson was unique, not only because he lived to the age of 109, but
because he was the last British eyewitness to one of the most extraordinary
events in modern warfare: the infamous “Christmas truce” of 1914.
Alfred was a batman. Not the psychotic super hero with the affinity for
barely nubile teens; a batman was an orderly to a British officer, in this
case, Fergus Bowes-Lyon, whose sister was married to the man who was second
in line to become King of England. Many years later, she became known as
“the Queen Mum.”
Quite a few Scots went to war in that grim year. In a nation of 6 million,
690,000 went. Alfred, along with the rest of the British Expeditionary
Force, were known as the “Old Contemptibles” – Kaiser Bill, the German
leader, had referred to the BEF as “that contemptible little army” and the
Brits delightedly adopted the slur with typically dry British wit. But to
the rest of the world, they were the Tommies. |
|
Tortured Logic |
12/9/05 |
The ACLU says that the court hearing the
case over releasing some of the more explosive Abu Ghraib photos might rule
on December 15th. These are the photos and videos that Seymour Hersh saw,
that he alleges contain images of US soldiers engaging in the rape of Iraqi
children in order to psychologically torture the parents, who are watching
from behind bars.
The administration is fighting this, of course. They think that releasing
the photos might upset and anger people. They think that images of US
soldiers raping children might enrage people who don’t like America. As if
raping their children wouldn’t.
One of the most astounding reasons the admin came up with for putting off
releasing the photos was that “they needed time to anonymize those engaged
in illicit behavior.”
You read that right. The administration wants to delay releasing the photos
so they can protect child rapists in their employ.
Makes you feel really proud, doesn’t it? |
| Bah!
Humbug! |
11/24/05 |
Last year, I wrote a piece called “A
Festivus for the Rest of Us” which was about the Seinfeld-inspired
anti-Christmas holiday in which Santa Claus is hanged from a bare aluminum
pole. It’s celebrated on the 23rd of December, and I learned about it for
the first time several days after the fact, and promised my readers, many of
whom share my misanthropic views of Christmas, that I would remind them of
Festivus in time so they could refuse to make any preparations for the
holiday.
So. Consider yourself duly reminded. And my holiday advice is to not
get a turkey that weighs more than twenty five pounds, because those bigger
ones can put up a hell of a fight when it comes time to stuff them in the
oven. Get a small one that will peer plaintively at you through the oven
door glass and essay a few tentative pecks at the glass before keeling over.
Remember, it’s a lot cheaper to buy two small turkeys then it is to replace
your oven.
Bill O’Reilly wants to remind us all that liberals are engaged in a war
on Christmas, and that he will lead the fight in defending America’s
religious heritage and moral vales. |
| Guilty Pleasures |
9/27/05 |
Let’s take a little break from politics. The GOP is doing a splendid job
of self-destructing, and it’s only a matter of time before the lockstep unity
breaks down and they start forming circular firing squads, and then it will
REALLY be fun writing about politics.
Instead, let’s talk movies. Not the ten best movies I’ve ever seen, although
some on the list would fit in that category. Nor is it the ten worst, although
that would be fun to write about, except that I never seem to remember the
really bad movies. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism. Anyone who has sat through
Travis Twat’s “North of Eden” knows there are some truly bad movies out there.
(Names changed to protect the guilty.)
These are my favorite movies that were just plain the most fun to watch, and are
worth watching more than once, even though the plots aren’t always sublime, and
nor is the message of any great importance – as a rule. They are the sort of
movies Artie the Pearl would dismiss as frivolous, and Paulie Five Fingers would
glower and admit that, all right, damn it, he DID like that movie.
Remember: not best, not worst. Most fun. |
|
Unworthy Thoughts |
9/2/05 |
When I was in the seventh grade, my
science teacher told me that central Ontario was one of the safest places to
live.
I was a bit dubious, since for four months out of the year, the central
Ontario climate was doing its level best to try and kill me. Screw up once,
and I wake up a corpsicle. But good Canadian kids are taught to regard -30
degrees as a minor inconvenience. Blizzards are just an opportunity for a
little healthy exercise, is all.
But, the science teacher explained, central Ontario didn’t have earthquakes.
It didn’t have tornadoes (back then). No typhoons. No volcanoes. No
poisonous snakes. The climate discouraged tropical diseases like malaria and
breakbone fever (and the teacher, no dummy, knew a good clinical description
of breakbone fever would keep a herd of winter-weary twelve-year olds
spellbound).
I left class that day feeling vaguely superior to all those savages who
lived near volcanoes or behind dykes or who ran the risk of encountering
wolves or polar bears or tigers. At least, I reflected, as the frost from my
breath turned my eyebrows white, I had the good sense to live in a place
that was safe. |
| The Biggest
Boom |
7/17/05 |
The place is fulla tourists. There were so
many cars and trucks I didn’t recognize in the parking lot of our local
market that I shut off my engine and pulled the keys out of the ignition
before going in. (Some of the guys tried locking their cars, those that
had lockable cars. That left the problem of how to turn off the engine and
pull the keys out of the ignition, so it never caught on.)
Tourists everywhere. Crossing the local highway is
risky, and often entails waits of several minutes for a clearing in the
traffic. In the winter, a blind snail with bipolar disorder can get across
that road safely, but now, it’s taking your life in your hands to try
it. |
| London
Calling |
7/7/05 |
I have a picture of myself, taken when I was seven,
standing in Trafalgar Square in the heart of London. I have a large pigeon
perched on my arm, and he’s pecking at some grain I have in my hand. I don’t
look particularly happy about this, because this is such a large and aggressive
pigeon, and I’m such a small boy. But I look very, very British, tousled hair
poking out from under the beanie cap (a favorite target of school bullies) and
wearing my school uniform, which is a festive shade of boiled liver grey. Just
to show us West Enders can be a wild and crazy bunch, there is yellow piping on
the shoulders and lapels and around the school crest, but the black and white
photograph doesn’t really do it justice.
Not visible in the picture is the reality of post-war
London. Many of the city’s landmarks still have scaffolding around them
as repairs from Werner von Braun’s efforts to touch the stars are made.
Thousands upon thousands of new buildings have arisen from the rubble of
the Blitz. The picture doesn’t show that rickets, caused by
malnutrition, is still common, especially among the older kids born during
the war and in the years immediately after. The tens of thousands killed
and hundreds of thousands injured aren’t in sight, but are remembered.
Just a scared-looking kid and a descendent of pigeons that even Hitler
couldn’t kill. |
| Freedom |
7/1/05 |
Over the next few days, there’s going to
be all sorts of self-congratulatory editorials in newspapers all around
the United States, marveling over the fact that the country will be 229
years old. The usual clichés will be
dragged out, on how this nation was conceived in liberty (actually, it
wasn’t; in truth, the fact that it explicitly was not "in
liberty" is why it was conceived, but that’s a side issue) and all
these truths are self-important, strife, misery and the pursuit of
sappiness, in the name of the fodder, the gold coast, and Mastercard,
forever and reruns, amen.
What you most likely WON’T see in all these
editorials is discussion of individual liberty, what it means, and what it
really takes to secure it. Papers will mention Ben Franklin and Patrick
Henry without really discussing what they really had in mind for their
countrymen.
Here are some of the things about liberty that the
papers won’t mention. |
| Privatization |
6/7/05 |
I happened to stumble across the
transcript of an interview Respect MP George Galloway had with Thom
Hartmann this week, and during their wide-ranging discussion, they got
around to the issue of privatization. Unsurprisingly, Galloway, a
socialist, is not keen on the concept. He mentioned some of the horror
stories that Britain has endured as a result of various privatization
schemes, such as the railroads (he mentioned 80% of Britons want them
returned to the public sector) and air traffic control (now there’s a
horrifying thought!).
He mentioned, too, the fact that infection rates in
British hospitals were up by huge amounts, the result of turning the task
of cleaning and disinfecting in the public hospitals over to the private
sector. He claimed that an extra 10,000 Britons a year were dying as a
result. |
| Gorgeous
George Galloway |
5/21/05 |
With a round face and somewhat squashed
nose accented by piercing blue eyes, George Galloway looks something like
an ex-pug, and in fact, that’s what he is. He’s also an ex-factory
worker whose favorite clubs are Dundee United and Celtic. His Glaswegian
accent is distinctly lower middle class. Looking at him, it’s easy to
believe he could have once been a yob at the footy matches, getting in
punchups in the pubs and shouting insults at the Pakis. (For North
Americans, think of the guys who show up at football games half-naked in
the snow, painted in the team colors, shout, "USA! Fuck, yea!"
and who are usually on their seventh beer by the half-time show).
For those who have no idea what a
"Glaswegian" (pronounced Glaz-wee-gee-an) might be, it’s an
inhabitant of the Scots city of Glasgow (rhymes with "has cow,"
which is what Norm Coleman is doing right now). You know. Like a resident
of Halifax is known as a Haligonian.
Anyway, it’s the Glaswegian accent. To American
ears it sounded posh, tony. People thought of Scotty, or the stereotype of
the Scotsman of fierce integrity, with bristling eyebrows and blazing blue
eyes. William Rivers Pitt remarked that the Senate committee must have
felt like they were being lectured by Sean Connery. The
video is here. |
| Bob Ewell |
4/23/05 |
"‘I wish Bob Ewell wouldn’t chew
tobacco,’ was all Atticus said about it."
That one line in Harper Lee’s brilliant 1960 novel,
"To Kill a Mockingbird" starkly showed the difference between
the protagonist, the stately and ethical Atticus Finch, and his
antagonist, the bitter, twisted Bob Ewell.
In the novel, which takes place in a small Alabama
town in the 1930s, Ewell, a drunk and a ne’er-do-well, makes a
spectacular charge of raping his daughter against one of the local black
men, a cripple named Tom Robinson, and the lawyer Atticus Finch is
appointed by the court to defend Robinson. To the unease of the town,
Atticus proceeds to do so, demonstrating that Robinson could not have
raped the daughter and leaving the strong impression that she was raped by
her father instead. This being Alabama in the 1930s, the jury elects not
to take the word of a black man over the word of a white man and convicts
Robinson, who is subsequently shot while trying to escape. The town at
large figures Robinson’s behavior was "Typical" and assumes it
shows he really was guilty, but among others who know better is Bob Ewell,
who begins a mounting vendetta against the people who caused his
humiliation in court, including Atticus Finch. |
| Alan
Dundes |
4/8/05 |
My first year in college, I took a course
called "Cultural Anthropology." I had no idea what Cultural
Anthropology might be – something to do with insect hive life, perhaps
– but I had been assured by my friends that the class was a sop, an easy
"A" and like most freshmen, I had overestimated my capacities
and signed up for 22 units. I wasn’t so self-assured as to make all my
classes grinds like calculus or micro. I was willing to take a sop course
if one fell in my lap.
It was an easy "A" all right, but it wasn’t
because it was an easy class. In fact, it was the most intellectually and
emotionally demanding course I ever took. It was also the most
intellectually and emotionally stimulating one, too. I got that A because
I was utterly fascinated, and worked my butt off in the class. (For the
curious, I dropped three courses, including calc, and wound up with 12
units. And a keener appreciation of my limitations.)
Until I took the class, my only exposure to the idea
of extended marriages came from Robert Heinlein’s then recently released
novel, "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" I had assumed the extended
marriages described in Heinlein’s book were the product of his
imagination, and didn’t know that it, like most of the more fascinating
and "alien" elements of good science fiction, was grounded in
nothing more than the incredible variety of earth’s life and human
customs and cultures. Manny’s family would have been right at home in
Polynesia. |
| Ghouls In
Love |
3/19/05 |
Back in October of 2003, I wrote a piece
on Terry Schiavo called "Nobody’s
Home" In it, I discussed the actions of the Florida legislature,
that passed a "one-armed-man-with-a-limp" law and forbade
disconnecting Schiavo from her feeding tube. I concluded, "Almost
certainly, a court will rule the ‘Terri Law’ unconstitutional and
reinstate the original decision to remove the feeding tube from the
carcass."
It turned out to be a correct prediction. One after
another, the courts struck down the law as unconstitutional and ruled that
as Schiavo’s husband, Michael Schiavo was within his rights to request
that care be discontinued, in a case where there is no hope. |
| Shave
and a Haircut |
2/28/05 |
Back about six weeks ago, the London Guardian gleefully broke a story about how North Korea had a TV series with the catchy name of “Let's trim our hair in accordance with the socialist lifestyle.” Kim Jong-il had mandated that North Koreans should wear their hair between 1 and 5 centimeters in length (between about a half inch and two inches), and had four styles that were deemed acceptable; crewcut, and variations known as “high, middle, and low” styles. That doesn’t sound very egalitarian, I agree. “Low style” one supposes, might include fleas, ticks and dandruff. According to the show, it was considered patriotic to get your hair trimmed every two weeks.
For anyone who’s wondering, the rationale behind all this was that excessive hair growth promoted loss of intelligence and general debilitation, and presumably, if you cut it frequently, this would conceal the fact that you were suffering from low intelligence and general debilitation.
Except for der leader, of course. He still looks like a Kewpie doll on steroids, and the matter of his intelligence and stamina may be surmised from his vertical mop. |
| Large
Caliber Guns |
1/16/05 |
Fifty caliber semiautomatics are back in
the news, but fortunately not because they separated some politician’s
brains from his immediate neighborhood, or were used to cause a 767 to go
cartwheeling down 315 in a fiery final approach.
Fortunately, the reason for the gust of publicity
came from Governor Arnie’s decision to sign legislation banning the sale
of such weapons in California, making California the only state in America
with such a law. ‘60 Minutes’ subsequently did a piece on the weapons.
Needless to say, the type of people who need such weapons in order to feel
comfortable dealing with their friends, family, neighbors and boss are
flabbergasted. How DARE Arnie, a man best known for carelessly slinging
around weapons that no other mortal can even lift, that can shoot
skyscrapers in half, do something like this? Hunters NEED a gun with
enough firepower to stop a gopher without leaving enough for DNA analysis
to tell what species it was! |
| Uncle Tom's Mansion |
1/11/05 |
My client, an African American, brought up
the topic of Armstrong Williams. "Are you doing an essay on
him?"
"Probably" I replied. The fact of the
matter was I had about a half dozen things I wanted to write about, and he
was on the list, but not the top of the list. I was mulling over what to
say about the man, and the payments he received from the Administration,
that hadn’t been said thousands of times on hundreds of blogs and
newspapers and on dozens of TV networks and radio shows.
"So what are you going to say about him?"
I grinned. "I’ll probably call him an Uncle
Tom." |
| Yule: Solstice 2004 |
12/18/04 |
The word “yule,” like the word “dog,” is so old that nobody really knows where it came from. In Iran, they have the word “Yalda” for their winter solstice, and if you squint and play it at 78 rpm, it looks and sounds a little bit like “yule.” The Chinese have a winterfest called Dong Zhi, and the feast itself is called Ju Dong, which could be pronounced “you tung.”
Well maybe the Chinese link is a bit of a stretch. For that matter, any competent linguist got to the bit about Iran’s solstice and stopped reading in disgust.
OK, the word is pretty unique. |
|
"...It's time to wake up." |
11/19/04 |
I have a friend who is fond of a
particular koan, sometimes prefacing his public addresses with it. The koan,
like all such, is a statement of such simplicity so as to seem self evident:
“When your dream becomes a nightmare, it is time to wake up.”
Like all such zen statements, the mere fact of its utterance demonstrates
that it is neither simple nor straightforward. For most people, it isn’t a
matter of conscious control, and someone awakening from a nightmare usually
does so out of fright, and not from awareness that it was a nightmare. I’m
frequently aware of the fact that I am dreaming, and it is only when I lose
that self-referential detachment that I fall into a nightmare. Otherwise,
I’m just doing the somatic equivalent of munching popcorn and looking to see
if I can spot the wires on the closet monster. |
| America
at her Best |
11/2/02
Election Day |
There is a striking scene – one of many
– in George Butler’s "Going Upriver: the Long War of John
Kerry" that will probably stay high on my list of things I think of
when people ask me why I love America.
When the Vietnam Vets Against the War convened in the
Capitol Park to protest the war, the Capitol Police, doubtlessly
responding to orders from the Nixon administration, told the protesters,
some 1,500 Vietnam vets, that while they had the right to be there and to
protest, that if any of them slept in the park, they would be arrested.
The vets, led by John Kerry, consulted among themselves and elected to
stay.
Word of the pending confrontation spread to Capitol
Hill. As evening approached, people left their offices in the Capitol and
the EOB and other storied marble edifices, and came down and formed a
crowd between the police and the vets. These weren’t just average people
taking a stand on principle; these were secretaries and other staffers
from Congressional offices, Republican and Democrat alike. It was over one
hundred members of the House of Representatives, and over a dozen
Senators. These were some of the most powerful and most politically
vulnerable people in America, risking everything they had to come down and
prevent the police from hassling a bunch of scruffy looking demonstrators
in the park. |
| Jon
Stewart, and Bill O'Reilly's Dildo |
10/23/04 |
It’s a pretty good example of how strange this election has become that America’s best liberal comedian has James Carville snorting in outraged indignation, while the dourest, nastiest demagogue on the right has the entire national liberal community just laughing their asses off.
Bill O’Reilly has been accused of making harassing sexual phone calls to one of the executive producers of his show. In one of the more memorable specifics, he’s accused of saying that he had a battery-powered device inserted in his anus while he was speaking to her. That lead one brilliant wag (ok, it was me) to suggest that he change the name of his tv show, “The No Spin Zone” to “No Spin. Just Vibrate.” |
| Interspecies
Romance |
10/16/04 |
Let’s take a break from politics for a
night. You game? Yeah, so am I.
There’s a program on the Science Fiction channel
this Sunday night at 9, 11 and 1, and with a second part on Monday at the
same times. It’s called "Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars"
It’s not exactly something new. It’s a
mini-series continuation of a television series that was cancelled in
early 2003. The series wrapped up a battle between the good guys, and some
truly ugly bad guys called Scarrans, and then the hero (Ben Browder) and
his love interest (Claudia Black) end up in a rowboat in the middle of a
placid lake, where he pulls out a diamond ring and proposes to her, and
she accepts. Just then, an alien space craft appears out of nowhere and
blows them to bits. Series end, finale. |
| Victimless
Crime? |
9/14/04 |
A friend of mine in Texas emailed me a link with the question, "Was
this a PROBLEM in California?" After stopping to assure him that there are
no problems in California, I read the article, a Reuters story.
It seems that necrophilia is now illegal in California. In truth, I hadn’t
been aware that it wasn’t illegal, and just assumed that it was. Like speed
limits in Albania or rules of grammar in Swahili, it didn’t seem particularly
germane to my daily life, and I hadn’t really thought about it before.
|
| Labor
Pains |
9/7/04 |
I very nearly didn’t write a Labor Day Essay. For one thing, I had already put up a link to a brilliant piece Greg Palast wrote under “Other Voices” on my website, and while I might be a fairly good writer (opinions, including my own, vary), I’m no Greg Palast.
But then I saw a speech by Putsch in which he said “the economy is strong and getting stronger.” Then the rich white trash at the WSJ had an amazing piece called “The GOP is the party of the little guy”
Well, we’re not going to get them out of office if we just ignore their bare-faced lies, are we?
Putsch is trying to position himself as “the jobs President.” What makes this particularly ludicrous is that he is about to become the first President since Hoover to see a net loss in jobs over a full term. One and a half million jobs, give or take. |
| Terror
and the City II |
8/28/04 |
According to the news, some quarter
million protesters are in New York City right now on account of the GOP
convention.
Well, that’s not really a surprise. A lot of people
hate the GOP, which is seen as cold, imperious, contemptuous of ordinary
people, and out to steal the country. This may be because many people in
the GOP, especially the leadership, are cold, imperious, contemptuous of
ordinary people, and out to steal the country. Think of it as a character
flaw.
The authorities in New York are in paroxysms of fear
and paranoia over all this, and have decided that there is going to be a
huge terror attack unless they weld the entire Island of Manhattan shut. |
| Terror
and the City |
8/27/04 |
OK, granted, British Columbia is probably
Canada at its best.
It’s got incredible scenery, and it’s the one
part of Canada that doesn’t freeze solid between November and March. At
least, along the coast. Vancouver is an incredible city, Seattle without
the grunge and the nerds, and marijuana is $125 Canadian per ounce for
what the town major describes as "coma-inducing weed." Victoria
takes all the good stuff about London and leaves behind the yobs and the
multidimensional street maps. I’ve lived in both London and Victoria,
and I would say they are my second and third favorite places to live in
the world, behind only Siskiyou County.
So when a buddy of mine showed up today, fresh from a
week long sojourn up Vancouver Island and then on the inward passage ferry
to Prince Rupert, the first thing I asked him was if he got a red maple
leaf tattooed on his butt. He was effusive. Note to BC Tourism Board: you
got another one. |
| In Search Of... |
8/24/04 |
Conspiracy theories can be fun. Anyone who
has seen the incredible and convoluted notions that surround the
Illuminati and the great struggle between the Masons and the Catholics
know that there are a lot of people out there with extremely inventive
minds and far too much time on their hands.
Some of it is just plain nuts. David Icke, for
example, bases his elaborate theories on the premise that the Queen of
England and the Bushes are actually secretly extraterrestrial lizards. As
John Lennon might have sung, "Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl, but
her tail keeps coming off." One of Icke’s main sources of
information is a woman who claims to have been a mind controlled CIA sex
slave to Henry Kissinger and Bob Hope. It just sort of follows a natural
progression from there.
Sometimes the lyrically paranoid and obsessive
theories turn out to be true. Yes, the CIA really did conduct mind-control
experiments. Yes, the government paid for experiments releasing gas in the
New York subways and in Havana (pre-Castro) in order to test propagation
of poison gases. Yes, the FBI did run infiltration and disruption
activities against the anti-war movement (CointelPro) during Vietnam. |
| F911,
A Month Later |
7/26/04 |
When a guy like Michael Moore jumps off
the high-dive board, it’s gonna cause a few ripples.
When I wrote about "Fahrenheit 911" after
seeing it on its opening weekend four weeks ago, I had a feeling I would
be revisiting it later to gauge its effects on the body politic.
First, it’s the most successful documentary of all
time. It’s grossed $103 million domestically, and very incomplete
overseas figures show it having grossed $13 million. So not only has it
shattered the all time gross for a documentary ($21 million, Bowling for
Columbine), but it’s at or past the adjusted-for-inflation gross of
Birth of a Nation, which is estimated at $125 million. Of course, Birth of
a Nation got an eighty year head start, too. |
| Airport
Insecurity |
7/22/04 |
The 9/11 commission report came out today,
briefly knocking aside the great Sandy Berger non-story that the
Republicans were hoping to turn into a major scandal, at least as soon as
they could figure out what Berger did wrong besides violate handling of
secret materials regulations.
Complete with the report came a separate news story,
of video stills released by the prosecuting attorneys in a civil suit
filed against American Airlines which showed four of the hijackers being
checked out and passed through airport security that fateful morning.
Three of the hijackers even set off the metal
detectors and were subsequently wanded. You’ve all seen the wands. Bored
security guards wave them around, the wands make a continuous stream of
squeals and moans, and basically tell the security guard that he is, in
fact, wearing a wrist watch on his own left wrist. |
| Secret
Sauce |
7/14/04 |
Back a couple of years ago, Kathy, who
worked at the front of the building, poked her head in the door of my
office and announced that she was going to McDonalds, and did I want
anything?
I started to say no, and on a whim, told her to get
me a Big Mac. I hadn’t had one since about 1978, and from what I could
see on the TV ads, it looked like they had sharply improved them since
then. Bigger, juicier, and of course, now the patties were
"all-beef." In 1978, Big Macs were dry, tasteless, and not very
good for you. The meat was grey and thin, and the vegetables were wilted
and zestless. About the only good thing about them, in my opinion, was the
condiments. Surely in nearly 24 years, progress had been made. |
| Here Come
Da Judge... |
7/3/04 |
Man, I miss Flip Wilson.
Back in the 60s and 70s, he was probably the most famous judge in America, despite the fact that the closest he ever got to the bench – maybe – was as the defendant in a traffic speeding ticket case. But the comedian had a routine where he would swish onto a stage courtroom, singing “Da court’s in session, da court’s in session, now here come de judge, here come de judge...” that always brought the house down.
If Flip was still alive (he died a few years ago, our loss), I would support his nomination to the Supreme Court in a New York minute. This, after all, is the court where a case is taken up on the rationale that a full recount of voting might do “irreparable harm” to one of the candidates, the Chief Justice wears a robe with gold stripes right out of Gilbert and Sullivan to signify that he’s the Big Judge, and another goes duck hunting with the defendant. As a Supreme Court, it makes a fine Marx Brothers movie. I wonder if Slappy knows how to play the harp? |
| F911 |
6/27/04 |
Given how famous Michael Moore is these
days – or infamous, perhaps – it always amazes me how many people have
never heard of "TV Nation." It was an hour-long show that Moore
had that ran for a year and a half on NBC, and then, incredibly, for a
year on Fox. This was in the heyday of Newt and the "Contract on
America" revolution, a time when Democrats and liberals were feeling
cowed, and bookstores were reluctant to display Al Franken’s "Rush
Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot" for fear of backlash from local
conservatives.
TV Nation was putatively an investigative journalism
show, but this was Michael Moore undiluted, and the end result was
something like 60 Minutes on acid. He was confrontational as all get out,
leavened by a truly twisted sense of humor, with the result that he had
such phenomena as "Crackers the Corporate Crime Fighting
Chicken," who was a guy in a chicken suit who ran around
investigating crimes corporations pulled against the public. One week,
they put up a phone number and asked people to call in with crimes for
Crackers to investigate, and in the next 24 hours, got over 20,000 calls.
Moore sent a black church choir to serenade a gathering of the Aryan
Nation. He provided transportation for Bowery locals to a posh public
beach in Delaware – a "public beach" for residents only. |
| Lessons
Unnoticed |
6/16/04 |
Ever since the images from Abu Ghraib
first started coming out, something about them has been eating at me,
affecting my day-to-day life.
Certainly, I felt disgust and outrage. But that
usually doesn’t leave me feeling depressed. This did.
So I’ve been picking at it for a while, trying to
figure out what bothered me so deeply but at the same time seemed so hard
to face. |
| Mickey
Muse Freedom |
5/9/04 |
By all accounts, Michael Moore’s new
documentary, "Fahrenheit 9/11," figures to have an even bigger
impact than his previous efforts, including "Roger and Me" and
"Bowling for Columbine." It is supposed to examine the ties that
exist between the Bush family and the bin Ladens, and takes a close look
at some of the events that occurred on 9/11 and in the weeks subsequent.
If you are wondering why the greatest crime committed
against Americans since 1941 has gone so long with little or no
examination by the government or the media (even Pearl Harbor had four
different congressional investigations going in the year following), you
are not alone. Millions of people are wondering the same thing. Conspiracy
theories proliferate, and while many are as loony-sounding as one expects,
there’s dozens of very pertinent questions that have never been answered
satisfactorily, or even properly asked. Why didn’t NORAD scramble that
morning? Why did Putsch behave so oddly (imagine FDR going on the air, as
he sometimes did on Sunday mornings, to read comics, after hearing about
Pearl Harbor and before meeting with advisors to consider options) that
morning? Why, exactly, did the Towers collapse? Why did the relatively
unscathed building seven collapse hours later? Why do the photos from the
Pentagon wreck show absolutely no evidence that a large commercial
airliner struck the building? If that flight didn’t hit the Pentagon,
where did it go? Why did the bin Ladens get government provided flights
out of America when every other private plane in the country was grounded? |
| Journalism |
3/30/04 |
The Sacramento Bee has an ombudsman, a
fellow who is independent of the chain of authority at the paper, who does
not answer to the bosses, and whose job it is to address the concerns and
questions of the general public from inside the newspaper. A number of
newspapers have such a position, and they are considered positive elements
in keeping newspapers honest and responsive to their readers.
In the Bee’s case, the ombudsman, a former New York
Times staffer named Tony Marcano, has been the ombudsman for the past
year. After a somewhat self-conscious start (it is an unusual job for a
reporter to switch to reporting to the public about the newspaper itself),
he’s settled into the position, and is getting favorable response from
the readership.
He recently tackled the subject of the
"credibility crisis" in journalism. The public, for a wide
variety of reasons, don’t trust the media any more, and at least some of
that blame lies with the media itself. |
| Summer
in March |
3/21/04 |
I’ve been working on "Artie the
Pearl" and "Paulie Five Fingers" stories this week, which
is one reason why I’ve been as AWOL as an American President. But that’s
only part of it.
The real reason I’ve been slacking off is because
the weather has been so nice. I live in California, a place synonymous
with nice weather (except for floods, earthquakes, wildfires, drought, and
temperatures above 110. Details, details). But that’s the 95% of
California that doesn’t contain Siskiyou County. This is a sturdier
California here, one where the pine trees don’t have to be watered and
they outnumber the people, and snow sometimes reaches the eaves of the
houses. |
| Adverse
Adverts |
3/6/04 |
I’ve come up with a great idea for a TV
ad. It goes something like this.
[Stock shot]: First plane crashing into World Trade
Center tower. Fireman looks up, startled. "Holy shit!"
bleeped out.
[Voice Over]: "Some days, things just don’t go
right. The day’s plans are ruined, and your routine is disrupted."
[Cut to]: Scenes of hundreds of emergency vehicles,
all code three, racing down New York street toward WTC. Use chase scenes
from "Blues Brothers" if budget demands.
[Voice Over]: "On days like that, sometimes good
dental care has to take a back seat. You don’t want to do that, but
sometimes things just happen, you know?" |
| Fake the
Nation |
2/8/04 |
If anyone was expecting NBC’s Tim
Russert to sink his fangs into Putsch’s neck the way he does with
Democrats, well, you just haven’t seen our Timmy in action. Or
"inaction," as the case may be.
To give you an idea, his first question to Putsch was
about the sham commission on the "intelligence failures" that he
named the other day. Now I say "sham" because any commission
where the person most affected by their investigation gets to hand pick
the members is a sham. One where one of the members is Laurence Silberman,
plumber for the October surprise, and mechanic behind numerous other GOP
dirty deeds, including letting the traitorous Oliver North walk, is a
sham. One where the most "prestigious" member, John McCain, has
already opined that intelligence failures WILL be found to justify George’s
leetle mistake is a sham.
In other words, the commission is a complete joke,
and there isn’t a member of the press who doesn’t realize that.
Including Tim Russert. |
| Sugar,
Sugar, Sugar! |
01/28/04 |
Back in April of last year it came to
light that some Republicans were demanding that Congress cut funding for
the World Health Organization, because the WHO was issuing a report that
suggested that people should restrict their average sugar intake to 10% of
their daily caloric intake (presently in America it is an amazing 20-25%).
There isn’t a nutritionist in the world who won’t tell you that people
inhale far too much refined sugar for their own good, and need to cut
back. They’ve been saying this for 50 years and more. Sugar is empty
calories that promote obesity, tooth decay and diabetes, and a host of
other medical problems.
I wrote an essay on it ("Sugar,
Sugar – But profits are sweeter") noting that the American
sugar industry was the force trying to get WHO to back off on the report
and pressuring Congress to defund WHO if they continued to threaten
profits for the sugar cartels.
Nine months later, not much has changed. |
| Newspeak |
1/23/04 |
Are you a fan of George Orwell's "1984"? This
classic, dated only by its title, introduced a generation to the term "Newspeak," the deliberate
inverting of the meaning of words and phrases for political purposes.
It still gets used a lot in politics, of course, to the point where it’s
considered hackneyed to even refer to it directly. It got used a lot (and with
good reason) in relation to Nixon and Agnew. It got used to refer to the
self-serving idiocies of subsequent presidents, whether it was classifying
ketsup as a vegetable or asking what the meaning of "is" is.
The reason it gets used a lot, of course, is because politicians are
bullshit artists, and "Newspeak" is just a polite way of saying
"bullshit".
|
| Solstice
2003 |
12/22/03 |
I got asked a few months back why I never
write a piece about the SUMMER solstice. After all, that’s the
brightest, sunniest, happiest day of the year. People have parades, and
look forward to several months of summer. If I was doing essays on both
solstices, this would justify setting up a separate mailing list for the
handful of readers I have in Australia (I think I have one in New Zealand,
too), and on the day I send out my summer solstice message, I could send
out a winter solstice message to them, and six months later, I could versa
the vice.
Well, the problem is that I talk about the winter
solstice being the birth of hope, the day when the days start getting
longer. The sun escapes the mouth of the dragon, and people start counting
the days until spring.
So what’s the message for the summer solstice?
"It’s all downhill from here!" This is your brief moment of
glory, folks. From now on, sunsets are earlier, and all too soon, the
leaves will fall, followed by the snow, and it will be dark and cold. All
summer solstice does is remind you that you are "shorter of breath,
and one day closer to death." |
| The
Medicare Scam |
12/16/03 |
It sounds confusing as all get-out. Medicare will pay 75%
after $250 has been spent, up to $2,250. After that, there's a
"window" in the coverage that extends all the way to $5,100. Patient
pays 100%. Then Medicare kicks back in, paying 95% of costs over
$5,100. Until the end of the year. Then you get to start over.
It's confusing, and it's meant to be. The Republican
designers of this monster wanted folks on Medicare to be staring
helplessly at their calculators, wondering where to begin.
It's actually real simple: If you rack up $5,100 in
prescription costs in a calendar year, Medicare will pay only $1,500
of that, leaving you to manage the remaining $3,600. Come the new
year, you start with the same deductibles. Oh, and they want you to
pay $420 a year for the privilege, so each year, on $5,100 worth of
drugs, you shell out a total of $4,020.
|
| Brother,
can you spare a dime? |
12/08/03 |
Back around 1974, someone proposed that
the penny, then made of copper, should be converted to aluminum. I was
appalled, of course, since as a coin collector, I had seen my fill of
aluminum coins. They usually came from European countries with few vowels
and even less economy, and the local currency was the Thangamabob, and
Thangamabobs were trading 48 to the dollar. The coin in question would be
a Microthangamabob, and would be a large, ugly gray coin that weighed one
tenth what it ought to and featured a non-aerodynamic eagle on one side,
and on the other, the only politician to be assassinated in Europe in the
nineteenth century whose death didn’t cause at least a border war.
They were ugly, ugly coins that proclaimed their lack
of value in both their utter grim grayness and their ethereal lightness.
If America was to have such a coin, it seemed
shameful to associate a great man like Abraham Lincoln with it. Much
better to have a President widely regarded as worthless, of dubious moral
value, and who would best serve the nation by dropping dead.
Fortunately, this was 1974, and we just happened to
have one of those in stock. |
| Nobody's
Home |
10/28/03 |
The human brain is an amazingly complex
thing, with an estimated five terabytes of storage, billions of
passageways, and the ability to create more such circuits as needed.
Everything has redundancy built in. Not only that, but several different
parts of the brain can contribute, wholly or in part, to some action.
Take speech, for instance. Different parts of the
brain control movement of the tongue, lips, vocal cords, and jaw. Still
others control the respiration. Then there is the sense of what is being
said, the meanings behind the words. Different sections control primary,
or native speech, while other parts store speech learned in late childhood
or adulthood, so-called secondary speech. It may explain, in part, why
none of us completely lose our native accents.
The type of speech is controlled by different parts
of the brain, and the results can be stunning. Speech therapists learned
some time back that people with profound aphasia, who have lost the
ability to utter a single word of regular speech, can sometimes be taught
to communicate quite well either through sign language, song, or poetry.
Different parts of the brain control the respective vocabularies of each,
and an aphasic who still has the sense and meaning behind the words can
often use these detours. Some aphasics can learn to speak quite fluently
in a foreign language. But their own language is gone, usually for good. |
| Governor
Arnie |
10/12/03 |
Don’t be fooled by the right wing spin
machine. Republicans are trying frantically to pretend that the Gropinator’s
win in the recall represents a shift in values in California to the right.
From the drug-addled Rush to the slimy Ann Coulter, the Voice of the Right
howls that the recall shows a failure of liberal politics, and that
California has rejected the Democratic party.
Like most things the right wing claims, this is sheer
nonsense. Yes, the voters did reject Gray Davis, and while he was in part
a victim of the machinations of Enron, Dick Cheney, FERC and all those
criminals, he was also slow to deal with the energy crisis, and for a
politician, surprisingly hard to like. When we canvassed the club in July
as to what stance should be taken, the unanimous choice was to oppose the
recall and reluctantly support Davis.
Bustamante self-destructed with his fund-raising
games. Republicans used the fact that he was taking donations from the
gaming tribes to appeal to people’s latent racism, but he lost ground in
his own Democratic base because a majority of Democrats are appalled and
sickened by our corrupt and anti-democratic methods of campaign
fund-raising. Even worse, when he said he would return the money and then
only returned $71,000 of the $3.1 million, he sealed his fate. |
| The
Numbers Racket |
10/10/03 |
The White House released some of the
figures from the budget request for $87 billion for Iraq the other day,
and there are some pretty interesting numbers in it.
For example, $20.3 billion is for the reconstruction
of Iraq. The rest, presumably, is to provide targets for Iraqis who are,
for some reason, displeased that their country is crawling with foreign
invaders.
$20.3 billion to rebuild a country doesn’t sound
like much. Iraq has about as many people as Texas, and Texas spends more
than that every year on the state budget. And this is a state that
believes "the Government ain’t got no business spending no money on
nobody, no how, no way." I think they even have that on their state
flag or something. |
| A
Storm Arrives |
9/19/03 |
Isabel wasn’t the only storm to hit
Washington, DC this week. Rather than run that metaphor into the ground,
let’s look at what made Isabel, a category five hurricane, different
from the other storms.
Isabel came from a specific direction, and only one
direction. The winds within Isabel were predictable in terms of ferocity
and direction.
Isabel weakened as it neared Washington.
Everyone knew that in 24 hours, Isabel would be gone.
The other storms are those seen much more frequently
in the DC area, political storms. Although like Isabel at her peak last
week, they stand to reach higher levels of intensity than what we usually
see. |
| A Bush
Fire |
9/12/03 |
The local malt shop got a lucky break.
Summer is over. We had a day of light, cold rain
which settled the dust and gave the mountain its first dusting of snow,
followed by the first frost of the season.
Tourist season is over until the ski park opens in
mid-November. Which means that when I walk past the malt shop with my dogs
early in the morning to get the paper, I usually swap waves with the owner
and one "employee" – usually a family member volunteering –
who are waiting for the grumpy and tight fisted locals to show up and
complain about the price of coffee. It’s a pretty discouraging time of
year. |
| The
Population Bomb |
09/09/03 |
Back in the 1970s, when the world was
still reeling from literary wake up calls from such people as Rachel
Carson ("Silent Spring") and Paul Ehrlich ("The Population
Bomb"), the noted science fiction author Philip Jose Farmer ("Riverworld")
wrote a story called "Seventy years of DecPop."
The premise was that a mad scientist created and
unleashed an aerosol which rendered 99 out of 100 humans infertile. The
story consisted of a series of vignettes from the seventy years subsequent
to that action. The basic premise is that despite the emotional and
logistic turmoil of the population being decreased by some 80%, humanity
and the world would be happier for it.
A lot of people, badly frightened by the grim
forecasts that Carson and Ehrlich had made (Ehrlich predicted a vast die
off of some 65 million people in the United States alone by the end of the
1970s) read the story with a certain amount of wistfulness. The only other
options were the Malthusian nightmares of famine, plague and war. Farmer’s
scenario seemed an easy way out. |
| Blackout |
8/22/03 |
Al Qaida is taking credit for the power
blackout that affected some 70 million people in the Northeast and through
much of the Province of Ontario last week.
There isn’t any particular reason to believe they
had anything to do with the blackout, but the propaganda value of the
claim is indisputable. Long-suffering Iraqis, fed up with little or no
electricity ever since the American invasion, reacted with undisguised
schadenfrüde, going so far as to email tips to New Yorkers on how to live
without power. Already delighted at the discomfiture the blackout caused
the hated Americans, they probably embraced al Qaida’s claim avidly,
whether they believed it or not.
In fact, Americans can take pride in how well
easterners reacted. Crime actually DROPPED during the blackout, and the
only serious criminal occurrence was, oddly enough, in the Canadian
capital of Ottawa, where four gunmen robbed a Sparks Street Mall jewelry
store and fired shots at the crowd (nobody hurt, fortunately). |
| Like,
Recall, Totally |
8/9/03 |
Of course, everyone wanted to talk about
the Recall.
Nearly every county fair attendee who stopped by the
Democratic booth wanted to know how we stood on recall, and who we
supported. (The club is against the recall, and perforce doesn’t support
anyone on the "replacement" list). Nearly everyone was either
amused, incredulous, or angry about the recall itself.
The Republicans had a booth at the other end of the
exposition hall (the hall adjoining our end has the science exhibits and
the book sale booths, and their end opens out into pens featuring cattle
and their products, which we think is apropos). They had a life-size cut
cardboard cut-out of Putsch which they still use despite the actions of
some miscreant who I will not name on fifth amendment grounds who once
hung a sign around its neck reading "The real thing, or a cardboard
cutout phoney? You decide!" |
| Weekend
at Udai's |
7/27/03 |
Back a few years ago, some wit took the
poster from the movie, "Weekend at Bernie’s," and made a
parody of it called "Weekend at Strom’s." It featured Tom
DeLay and Trent Loot, with the then ninety-eight year old Strom Thurmond
as the corpse propped up between them.
Republicans howled. They felt that such a ghoulish
display was disrespectful to Strom, who wasn’t entirely dead yet, and
was in bad taste.
I don’t even want to guess what the reaction would
be if they had used a real corpse in the picture. They would still be
screaming.
The deaths of Udai and Qusai Hussein in a barrage by
American forces were of no particular benefit to Americans |
| Trying
Times |
07/16/03 |
If I was to sum up the state of American journalism in a nutshell, I
wouldn’t cite the New York Times, despite all their scandals and
self-inflicted tribulations. I wouldn’t mention that back in the days when the
Washington Post was a newspaper, they didn’t work for the administration.
There are good, reliable papers, of course; the Sacramento Bee comes to
mind, along with the Wall Street Journal (outside of their execrable
opinion/editorial section) and the Christian Science Monitor.
But no. If I was going to sum up modern American journalism in a nutshell,
I would say, "The Washington Times."
|
| Rummy |
7/13/03 |
The other day, Donald Rumsfeld, in his
efforts to downplay the chaos and growing guerrilla movement in
American-occupied Iraq, compared the situation there to that in America in
the years following the Declaration of Independence.
Noting the lack of a stable currency and poor economy
in the thirteen former colonies, Rumsfeld said "Discontent led to
uprisings, with mobs attacking courthouses and government
buildings.[...]The transition to democracy is never easy."
In some ways, Rumsfeld is quite correct. It took one
false start and six years after the war ended for the colonies to form
what is now the US, and there was a fair amount of turmoil and confusion
during that time.
In fact, most people don’t realize just how lucky
the colonies were. Nearly all revolutions make life worse, not better, and
often involve pogroms, starvation, bloodbaths and widespread starvation.
America managed to avoid much of that. |
| A
Mockingbird in Tulia |
6/18/03 |
Every so often, news stories come along
that remind us that yes, at heart most people are essentially decent.
There was a case in point a couple of weeks ago, when
the American Film Institute came out with another one of their "best
movies of all times" polls. You’ve probably seen those polls
around. They had "best 100 movies of all time" (And it was
either "Casablanca" or "Citizen Kane" that won) and
"Best 100 comedies of all time" ("Some Like It Hot").
AFI, pleased with the attention and controversy the lists engendered,
produced more lists, a cycle of attainments that can only get more dubious
as time goes on. ("Best 100 black and white Bulgarian films directed
by a left-handed albino director addressing the social problem of
scurvy" for example. I can’t think of more than ten such that are
worth seeing...) |
| Employment
in America |
5/3/03 |
There was a bit of a flutter in the media
this week when the Department of Labor announced that the unemployment
rate was back up to 6%, The Sac Bee, noting that the number of jobs had
shrunk by 525,000 over the past three months, asked if it presaged yet
another recession. Putsch, ever the idiot puppet of the ultra-rich,
declared that his tax cut was just the thing needed to create new jobs.
Naturally, he didn’t say exactly how that would work, beyond the usual
moronic platitudes that if we give our money to the already rich, they
will be grateful and treat us nicely. |
| Sugar,
Sugar |
4/23/03 |
There’s a rather nasty epidemic affecting
Asia and Canada that is threatening to become a very nasty pandemic
threatening the entire world. Unfortunately, it got its start in a country
governed by a dishonest, paranoid, and secretive regime. For once, I’m not
talking about the Putsch junta: this is China.
The entity most responsible for fighting the spread of this virus, and for
forcing the paranoid bureaucrats of the Beijing regime to give an honest
accounting of the course of SARS in their country, has been the World Health
Organization (WHO), the health branch of the UN. WHO is the international
version of the Centers for Disease Control in America, and like the CDC, WHO
tracks contagious diseases, coordinates research to find ways of preventing
the spread, and proposes measures to prevent such contagions in the first
place. It’s impossible to guess how many lives they’ve saved over the past
55 years, but tens of millions is p | |