Join the Lying Socialist Weasels NewsEmail List
(10-20 articles/day)

 EssaysEmail List
2-3 essays/week)

Watch for new books by Zepp

 

 

Election 2008
My Town
Graphic Remarks
History
Home
Humor
Other Voices
Politics
Religious
Sociology
Science&
Environment
VRWC
Why Don't They?
Email Zepp
 

Vonnegut and the Olympic Torch 4/7/08 If you’re going to go looking for hope in a hopeless world, Kurt Vonnegut is usually not the first writer who comes to mind. He’s a funny choice, both because the term “mordant humor” fitted him like a glove, and because he wasn’t exactly noted for a hopeful tone.

None the less, I managed to find that in a brilliant piece in Salon that my friend Jim passed along. The writer, Steve Almond, prefaces a quote by Vonnegut relating to the vicious brutality of Americans toward the German people, and cites it as an example of the “prophetic role” Vonnegut played, and asks us to substitute Iraq for Germany in the following passage of Vonnegut’s, in an essay called “Wailing Shall Be in All Streets.” from his posthumous work, “Armageddon in Retrospect”:

“But the ‘Get Tough America’ policy, the spirit of revenge, the approbation of all destruction and killing, has earned us a name for obscene brutality, and cost the World the possibility of Germany becoming a peaceful and intellectually fruitful nation in anything but the most remote future.”

Western Germany was peaceful and intellectually fruitful by 1960. East Germany had to fall and be subsumed back into a whole Germany before Vonnegut’s prophecy was betrayed, but that has happened.

Well, there’s a ray of hope for Iraq. If the Americans leave, or at least stop occupying the country, Iraq might be a fruitful and peaceful nation again some day. I wonder what Vonnegut would have thought of that? He probably would have smiled a sad little smile and said, “Imagine that.”
A Chinaman's Chance 3/31/08 With all the bad economic news that’s been going around, I thought I might mention that there is a bit of good news, a faint beam of hope that might save America’s economy from imploding.

Of course, this good news involves untold misery for billions of people, and quite possibly such things as mass starvation, war, and revolution, but in economics, that’s considered good news.

Now you know why they call it “the dismal science.” It’s still not clear why it’s called a “science” of course, since most economists are about as well equipped to provide a solid analysis and build a model of what we can expect as your average psychologist or diviner of chicken entrails.

One other caveat: when Wall Street types talk about economic good news, that doesn’t translate into a wage hike for you, or even 10% off on beets at the local market. In fact, it usually means that you’ve been made expendable, and your role, if any, is that of “fodder.” If you’re lucky. More than likely they’ll make the water boil by setting fire to you and stuffing you under the pot.

So when I say “good news,” you might want to take that with a grain of salt. Starvation, hopelessness, despair. That type of good news. Okay?
Change for a Time 3/9/08 Back in 2005, there was an energy crisis. Gasoline threatened to go over $2.00 a gallon as oil prices surged to the $40 a barrel mark. The south was getting chewed up so badly by storms off the Atlantic that there was a move to simply rename every hurricane “General Sherman” and have done with it.

It was the crisis we now refer to as “the good old days.”

George, of course, handled the crisis with the intelligence and depth of thought that have become his hallmark. He convinced a complaisant Congress that drastic and immediate measures must be taken, and Congress rose to the occasion in much the way that they rose to most occasions, and passed a law and had it on the President’s desk in just two short weeks, revealing a masterplan to solve the energy crisis by adding an extra four weeks to daylight savings time, beginning in a little over two years.

Jubilant Americans poured into the streets, singing hosannas to the GOP and showering their courageous and far-seeing congressional representatives with flowers and $100 bills. I’m sure you remember all this, and the drugs haven’t really done all that much damage.

The theory is this. People get up in the daylight, and don’t usually use much energy before going to school or work or whatever. A quick shower, breakfast, and they’re outta there. It’s in the evening that they turn on all the lights and eat energy by the ton, and if there is an extra hour of daylight in the evening, they put the lights on an hour later.
So How Do You Like Our Winters? 1/31/08 A few years after I moved to Siskiyou County, we had a fourteen-foot snowstorm. It buried everything. The morning after the storm, I woke up at 8am, and the house was still dark. The snow had piled up past the roof eaves. Our dogs dug us out.

A few days after, when the power came back and phone service was restored, an acquaintance, fond of twitting new arrivals from Southern California, called and asked me how I liked the Siskiyou County winters.

Well, I had lived in Southern California for quite a few years prior to moving, but originally, I’m from Canada, and if there is one thing about Canada that all Canadians take pride in, it’s the rotten weather. I wasn’t about to let the side down.

I leaned back in my chair and waved a hand dismissively, a foolish thing to do since we were talking on the phone and he couldn’t see me. “Aw, you guys have POOOSSEY winters!”

I suspect that rankled, because yesterday, after six weeks of blowing and drifting snow and fierce winds and temperatures that hovered below freezing for weeks on end, he called me up and asked me the same question. Fifteen years later.
A Sentimental Journey 1/22/08 “Trading on sentiment” is the latest euphemism for “panic”. You don’t actually want to SAY “panic” because that might make nervous investors trade on sentiment. The banks don’t have panics. They just get sentimental. Those bankers just get a little misty-eyed, is all. And the Crash of 1929 and ensuing great Depression weren’t economic catastrophes; they were just a sentimental journey.

Yesterday marked a first in American history in that Martin Luther King, Jr. saved Wall Street’s ass. He didn’t MEAN to, of course. He probably wouldn’t have bore them any malice, but, what with being dead and all, he wasn’t going to be taking a real proactive role in current events.

But it was the official recognition of his birthday, which, like all American holidays, fell on a date which had nothing to do with the event it was meant to commemorate.

As a result, Wall Street was closed, and traders in the US got to huddle behind closed signs with MLK’s image on them while the rest of the world went to hell in a hand basket.

And hand basket it did. The traders were trading on sentiment, rather than with the calm, deliberative waltzes with which these mover and shakers normally guild human destiny. “Trading on sentiment”, on the other hand meant the traders were screaming, setting fire to cars, biting the knobs off fire hydrants and pissing themselves. About like any other trading day, except this time, they were losing gobs of money. Most had the worst day seen since 9/11.
Winter Solstice 2007 12/20/07 Back around mid 1945, the world changed. World War II had ended, Europe and Japan were desolate ruins, and the rest of the world was still in shock and horror at the atrocities they found in the death camps of eastern Europe and Germany.

“Never again” became a mantra, not only of the Jews who survived the Holocaust, but of all decent people who looked at the incredible destruction and gaped at the horror of the nuclear explosions over Japan.

For a brief time, it looked like the changes would be profound and far reaching. Humanity may have learned something from the horror of the war. The UN was founded. The Marshall Plan fed Europe, saving millions. The allies treated the people of the defeated countries with respect and decency, and it paid off with peaceful, friendly allies where there had been mortal enemies.

62 years on, it’s clear that while the war DID bring about a change in human affairs, but it wasn’t as comprehensive and far reaching as the shocked idealists of 1945 had hoped.
What to Give Thanks For 11/21/07 Perhaps one of the best gifts Americans gave themselves was the ability, on Thanksgiving Day, to NOT give thanks if they don’t feel like it. Nobody has their knee on your throat, demanding that you give thanks to their god for everything including stuff that is flat-out embarrassing to feel grateful for, but which the fundamentalist will demand of you, such as being glad that god didn’t flood the earth this week.

Similarly, if you believe in a god or gods, nobody is saying you can’t give thanks. You can’t use tax dollars to do so, but aside from that, you have complete freedom.

The greatest irony of freedom is that the most startling beneficiaries of freedom are those who would destroy it. You have the right to argue that people shouldn’t have constitutional rights. In a tyranny you might have the same ability, but you wouldn’t have the personal choice that leads to it.

On this thanksgiving holiday, the papers are full of stories about how Dominionists (people who believe that god and not the people have sovereignty in America) and other religious bullies have been pressuring and punishing a goodly number of our military personnel who don’t want to worship their version of god. Police in San Diego want to mark “Muslim neighborhoods” as potential terrorist hotbeds, despite the fact that there are probably a lower percentage of terrorists there than one might find in Idaho. Simultaneously, you have stories of religion trying to impose itself on the state, and the state trying to impose itself on religion.
The Fire-Touched 10/23/07 They call them the devil winds, but that’s not a good name.

One thinks of Efrits: also from hot and dry places, but capricious, even mischievous, and always malevolent. The devil winds can be capricious, flickering into lives and destroying them and sparing others, but they are not mischievous, nor are they malevolent.

They simply are. They are the hard, cruel power of nature, a black scream across a red sky. As remote and indifferent as the furthest galaxy, pregnant with fire and dust, they are oblivious to the plight of the humans they encounter.

But the fire that they carry IS mischievous and malevolent.

The Santa Ana winds have their own majesty. I remember the first time I encountered them, on a cool, damp September evening some 44 years ago on California’s south coast. What they now call “the fog monster” – night and morning low cloud – had moved in before dusk, turning the evening chill and damp. I was outside, walking my aunt’s dog, accompanied by my uncle, who spun tales of a magic land where the televisions had six channels and the folks up on the hill were getting color televisions. It was almost full dark, but my uncle pointed to the mountains. I looked.
Feeling Depressed? 7/11/07 I spotted a news story today that former Surgeon General Richard H. Carmona had accused the administration of trying “to weaken or suppress important public health reports because of political considerations.” I passed the story along with the notation, “Oh, now THERE’S a shocker!” This administration’s delight in making all functions of government subordinate to the political imperatives of the Republican Party is no longer disputed by any impartial observer.

The story of the admin changing, burying, or flat-out lying about everything from global warming to evolution is well known. Likewise their attempts to politicize the courts, the military, and the media.

But in politics, pocketbook issues are paramount. People vote with their wallets. So if you think this admin tries to control science and justice, just imagine what they do about information concerning the state of the American economy!
Oh Say Can You Sing? 7/4/07 During this past spring’s Stanley Cup, some of the games were hosted in Ottawa, the Canadian capital. In the first game there, one of the American TV announcers was openly amazed that when the national anthem for Canada played, the crowd sang along.

It isn’t that Canadians are a hyper-patriotic lot. They aren’t. By and large, Canadians don’t go for flag waving and chants of “we’re number one!” and if they stick a maple leaf on their suitcase or back packs, it’s not so much a statement of national pride as it is a message to terrorists: “I’m not an American, so please don’t shoot me.”

The only real element that makes a hockey game in Canada different from one in Buffalo is that the national anthem can be sung by most people. As anthems go, it’s not bad. That’s damning with faint praise since I lump anthems in with the category of “military music” and I adhere to the old dictum that military music is to music as military intelligence is to intelligence.

If you want to compare the Canadian national anthem to actual music, then it’s safe to say that it sounds like a set of bagpipes, run over by a truck and left dying by the side of the road. But it’s singable. Or at least droneable.
Memorial Day 2007 5/29/07 I wonder how many US troops will be dead by Memorial Day 2008?

I’m betting that it will be over five thousand, and possibly worse. You see, it’s 456 dead since New Years’ Day, 991 dead since Memorial Day last year. The pace is accelerating.

This war doesn’t have any brakes, and it doesn’t have any steering. It can only pick up steam as it rolls downhill. The Republicans, in their vacant viciousness, don’t much care how many people get killed just so long as they can get elected, and the Democrats, in their quivering cowardice, don’t much care how many people get killed just so long as they can get elected, too.

So you have a government of opportunists and weaklings who are utterly incapable of taking the reins and slowing the runaway.
Taking Their Medicine 5/7/07 It’s being noted around that the Republican candidates, with the exception of Mittens Romney, just aren’t performing up to expectations as far as fund raising goes. Reporters are questioning if McCain is actually even trying to raise every penny he can, and while they excuse it based on his “distaste” for fund raising (boy, is HE in the wrong racket!), the fact is that he probably isn’t trying as hard as he could.

His reasons are his own, of course, but I can’t help but think that he’s concluded what poll after poll has shown: next year is going to be an electoral blowout. If Iraq is still at a full boil with Americans getting killed every day, and the economy is as bad or worse for working people as it is now, then not only would just about any Democrat beat any Republican running for president (and recent polls show Edwards, Hillary Clinton and Obama all leading the top GOP candidates, Guiliani and McCain), but there could be an electoral massacre in the House of 1932 proportions. The Dems could even end up with a super majority in the Senate.

Even if by some miracle he DID win, would he really want to face a Democratic Congress with veto-proof majorities in both chambers? McCain might be crazy, but he’s not stupid.

People point to the occupation of Iraq as a reason for the party’s unpopularity, but that actually presents itself in those stellar 28% approval ratings that Putsch is racking up. And while all ten of the little people running for the office profess “support for our brave troops,” McCain is the only one who has let the occupation become an albatross around his neck. All the others might vow to stay the course, but McCain is the only one easily identified as being associated with the quagmire.
 
The Chos Amongst Us 4/21/07 Back when we lived in southern California, my wife and I managed a small group of apartments. It got us a sizeable break on the rent, and for the nine years we did it, we only had one eviction (and I was amused when a year or so later I ran into him and he apologized for the events that led to his eviction). It was a good gig.

But we had one tenant who was seriously crazy. He spent some of his time curled up in a ball, lost in paranoid terrors, and the other half exalting that he could do anything. He had a sexual fixation on Billy Mumy, the then-ten-year-old child star on the old TV series “Lost in Space”. Some days he would play a warbly old LP of “American Pie” twenty or thirty times. Satan, or evil forces, were usually everywhere, and could be combated by eating only food that was white. He would talk about going out in a blaze of glory.

He wasn’t, as a rule, pugnacious or even particularly hostile. He didn’t make any direct threats, and in his calmer periods, could be pleasant, albeit strange.

But then he would go off on a screaming jag, and we would call mental health services and report that our resident 51-50 was erupting again, and they would haul him off for a “ninety-six” – a forced mental health evaluation at the local facility that was supposed to last four days and involve interaction, when possible, with a trained counselor. In reality, he would come back within a day, tranked to the gills and in a state of enforced lassitude that usually got him past the crest of his latest episode. This was in the 1980s, and County mental health – deficient as it was back then – was far better than it is today.
Molly 1/31/07 I remember reading Molly Ivins’ column a few days after her father died. She detailed his strength and humor, and how the cancer had picked him apart a little bit at a time, but how he kept his courage right to the end.

Then she spoke of him stepping out back on the porch to enjoy a few minutes sunlight, and how she heard the shot, and went out and found his body.

Writing about something so deeply and painfully intimate as that, knowing that millions would be reading it, was an act of extraordinary courage. Baring your soul, discussing openly and courageously what in many families would be a dark, never-discussed secret.

Not all of Molly’s readers were friends. Some were anxious to find a way of hurting her. I’m sure some of them tried. I’m equally sure that Molly saw them coming ten miles away.

Molly could take extraordinary courage and make it seem a commonplace. She was able to find it in others because she had it in herself.
Southern Daybreak
Solstice 2006
12/21/06 Anyone who has ever lived in the True North knows what the first sunrise after the winter solstice is like. On a day that most people have marked on their calendars, there is a glint of sunlight almost directly south. It’s a sad and lonely little thing, this southern sunrise, unable to raise the temperature and lasting only a minute or so. Then the sun sets again, followed by a long twilight. But it comes after up after weeks or months of no sun at all, and it lifts the spirits of the people in a way that no other unfulfilled promise can.

There’s a song I’ve heard on Vinyl Café a couple of times. The main lyric is “In the cities lies the heart of Canada, but its soul lies in the north.” That’s probably true of all countries that cross the Arctic Circle, whether in Scandinavia or Russia or a place like Alaska, a state that has an entirely different identity when you get into the far north.

Fairbanks isn’t True North as the Eskimos reckon it. Nor is Yellowknife, or Iqaluit. All are below the Arctic Circle, and all see light year round. You have to go to the North Slope, or the vast, flat islands of northern Canada for that. Few people can handle the dark, especially when it’s combined with fantastic cold and horrible storms. Most humans need that little glint of light, that reassurance that they are still in the known world.
Avatar, The Last Airbender 9/18/06 Kevin McDonough, television critic for the Sacramento Bee, was wildly effusive. He wrote, “I can’t say I understand the appeal of the cartoon series ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender,’ but it has definitely found a faithful audience. In this epic tale, the world is in peril because the four forces of nature are out of balance. The Fire Nation has become dominant and destructive. Two impish kids discover the Avatar in some kind of frozen glacier and hope that he can set things right. The dialog and action bounces between typical teenage high jinks and deadly serious combat, with the world itself in the balance.”

Oh, wait. That wasn’t effusive. In fact, it was the sort of thing a critic who hates a show might write because his editor has told him the paper will get complaints if he doesn’t mention that a new season starts tonight. I could hear his teeth grinding between each line.

Nor did he write anything about the show that couldn’t be discerned from the opening credits. I’m surprised he didn’t complain that the Avatar rides a giant flying bison and has a pet lemur. (I’m happy to report that neither animal talks, and indeed they have the communication skills of an average house cat). My wife and I, already planning to watch the cartoon, were amused at McDonough’s sour review. He couldn’t have watched more than a few minutes from an episode chosen at random.

I know this, because I caught a few minutes of the show at random almost a year ago. It was Thanksgiving, and the weather was rotten. The turkey was in the oven slowly desiccating, the cats and dogs were antsy because something delicious was being destroyed by my cooking skills, and my wife had retired to her den to do some beadwork. I was feeling antsy myself, due to the prospect of four days pretty much stuck inside because the weather wasn’t going to cooperate. I didn’t feel like writing, I didn’t feel like reading, I didn’t feel like surfing the web. I was in a pet. So I did something I hardly ever do: I started clicking the TV remote, looking to see if there was anything even vaguely interesting on.

 
Minimum Outrage 9/4/06 The woman at the local restaurant wasn’t happy about the state minimum wage being raised from $6.75 to $8.00.

“I’ve been at that restaurant for three years now, and I busted my hump to get those raises,” she said, mentioning that she earned $7.75 an hour, or a dollar above minimum wage. “Now kids will be starting as dishwashers and they’ll be making more than I am now!”

I pointed out that if she had already earned those raises, then her base pay should remain a dollar above minimum wage, which would mean a seventy-five cent raise in January, and a second raise of the same amount the following January. She looked a bit dubious, and I didn’t blame her. In America, where non-union workers have no rights and no protections, demanding a raise – or two days in a row off, or pay for overtime work – can get you fired for no cause.

“The restaurant will have to raise prices” she offered.

“Didn’t it raise prices already this summer?” In fact, it had. Higher food costs, mostly a result of increased gas prices. The restaurant owners didn’t beat their breasts over that. After all, inflated fuel prices are just a legitimate market force, unlike labor, which is a damned nuisance and should be grateful to get any pay at all. So the restaurant, a chain of some 30, raised prices without any grandstanding howls of rage against big oil, and quietly shelled out about $40,000 for glossy new menus that reflected the price increases.
Home for the Holidays 5/31/06 Every so often, I get email from someone filled with breathless enthusiasms. “If only,” they gush, “people would stop buying gasoline for just one day, that would really show the oil consortiums we mean business.” Since nobody likes the oil cartel anyway, and it never hurts to reduce gasoline use, it’s easy to see why some people get enthused.

But it’s even easier to see why the vast majority don’t get enthused. You piously observe “Gasless Tuesday” and don’t buy gas on that day. But then on Wednesday, you go and fill up the tank, which is now on fumes. Like most people, you realize that you aren’t actually reducing fuel consumption at all, because you still have to work and the kids still have to get to practice and about the only think you can do to reduce gas usage is let the engine spend one minute less idling in the morning. So you just blow it off and hope someday you can afford a Hybrid.

The result is that the oil companies don’t even notice “Gasless Tuesday.” Even if sales are down .1% that day, they go that much higher the next.
Change for a Time 3/20/06 During World War II, Great Britain had something called “Double War Time”. Come spring, the clocks were set forward by TWO hours, instead of the one most of us are used to. What it did was force everyone into going to bed shortly after sunset and get up at the crack of dawn. It doubtlessly saved a lot of energy in the industrial south of the island where the population was.

But a family friend was stationed in the islands north of Scotland, and he found the time change to be nothing but a pain in the ass. One day, sunrise would be about 6 am, and sunset about 6pm. The next day, sunrise was 8 am, and sunset 8pm, which brought on a form of jet lag.

Further, as spring wheeled toward summer, and the days got longer, he would find that sunrise might be about 5am, which wasn’t too unreasonable, but sunset was about midnight! Worse still, the long twilight characteristic of northern latitudes meant that it didn’t get full dark until about 1:30 am, and started getting light again about 3:30. So Double War Time or not, he was going to bed in full daylight, and waking up in full daylight. All the time change did for him was cause him to spend an extra two hours trying to get to sleep each “evening” while the sun lingered deep in the southwest. So he not only didn’t save any electricity from the time change, but found his normal diurnal cycle being messed with. It was counterproductive.
Five Rings in the Hole 2/20/06 There has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth over at NBC over the fact that the broadcasts of the XX Olympiad have been . . . well . . . disappointing. Seems that NBC has been getting slapped around by the competition, including Fox’s “American Idol.”

Various reasons have been given for this. Part of it is the indisputable (and to me, inexplicable) popularity of “American Idol.” I don’t know why 30 million people would want to see and watch Simon the Cow’s well-practiced sadism, but I suspect that they look at the untalented types that are used by the program to reassure themselves that they are better than some of the finalists in America’s biggest talent show. It’s good psychology on the part of the show’s producers, but it cuts deeply into a demographic that NBC, for better or for worse, had been pandering to in its previous Olympic broadcasts.

There’s also the fact that the Americans haven’t been doing all that well this year. Michelle Kwan had to leave with a groin injury, and Bode Miller learned that the judges aren’t too forgiving about missing gates, even if it did result in a better time. The Women’s hockey team, upset in a shootout with Sweden, will have to settle for a bronze if they win the consolation game, and the men’s hockey team managed an embarrassing 3-3 tie against Latvia, endangering their medal hopes. (The joke making the rounds is that the Latvian team consists of NHL players who couldn’t qualify for the Czech or Canadian teams – not that they’ve been tearing up the rink, either. Switzerland, a team of amateurs, defeated mighty Canada 2-0 yesterday, and while I want Canada to win the gold medal, I was grinning from ear to ear.) If it wasn’t for the Snowboarding, a sport America still owns, they would be in a race for 8th place with Olympic powerhouse South Korea. Even there, they had an embarrassing miscue when one of the ‘boarders, gold medal apparently in hand, added a little flourish to her routine that caused her to, um, fall down just before the finish line. (I felt sorry for the kid. The rest of her life is going to resemble a Vonnegut novel unless she redeems herself at the 2010 Olympics in BC.)
Selling the Emperor's Clothes 2/2/06 Everyone knows about the administration paying hack journalists to write fulsome pieces about various aspects of administration policy, such as the “no child left behind” educational train wreck.

There’s those goofy backdrops that came into vogue during the Putsch campaign in 2000. “Reformer with results,” “Compassionate conservative,” and other idiotic phrases that have become the stuff of cartoonist lore. Now that it’s widely seen as a bad joke, Democrats have adopted the practice, which tells you something about the political acumen of Democrats.

There’s the bill names. “No child left behind” was a misnomer from the start (I suggested at the time that is was a politer way of saying “Leave no survivors”), and all the other rape-and-run initiatives have equally inappropriate names: “Clean Skies” and “Healthy Forests” (well, a tree that has been converted into a two by four technically is not a sick tree, I suppose). And of course, there’s that nasty little piece of treason against everyone in America: the PATRIOT ACT.
Looking Ahead 1/2/06 Happy Holy Shit Day.

January 1st is Holy Shit Day. Locally, our weather can be a little rambunctious this time of year, and that means that if you look outside you are likely to see something like a large inland sea where the town’s main intersection should be, or you can’t see anything at all because you got fourteen feet of snow.

Yeah. Holy Shit.

I went out and peered around at first light, filled with dread and loathing, which is generally a good way to greet the new year. All the houses, trees and hills were all pretty much where I left them last night, but it was raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock, which was bad news for folks downhill from me. Here, the porous volcanic ground seems to have an infinite capacity to absorb water. We’ve had nearly 30 inches of rain over the past two weeks, and there’s nary a puddle to be seen.

There was no sign of Mt. Shasta, which caused me mild alarm until I remembered that you usually can’t see the mountain in bad weather. One time a friend drove through. He explained that he didn’t stop because the weather was really bad (a wise choice – we had a major blizzard going on at my house) but it was his first time along the I-5 corridor, and he finally got to see Mt. Shasta. “I was surprised,” he said. “I thought it would be bigger.” I thought for a minute. You can’t see the mountain from the highway in bad weather. But you -can- see Black Butte, a volcanic cone that rises 1,200 feet immediately east of I-5. My friend had seen that modest little protuberance and jumped to a conclusion. I figure I should make a T-shirt that says “Mt. Shasta, California” at the top, has a picture of Black Butte, and the quote, “I was surprised. It looked much bigger in the brochure.”
Solstice 2005 12/21/05 On November 21, 2005, a very, very old Scotsman who spent nearly all of his life trying to forget his youth died.

Alfred Anderson was unique, not only because he lived to the age of 109, but because he was the last British eyewitness to one of the most extraordinary events in modern warfare: the infamous “Christmas truce” of 1914.

Alfred was a batman. Not the psychotic super hero with the affinity for barely nubile teens; a batman was an orderly to a British officer, in this case, Fergus Bowes-Lyon, whose sister was married to the man who was second in line to become King of England. Many years later, she became known as “the Queen Mum.”

Quite a few Scots went to war in that grim year. In a nation of 6 million, 690,000 went. Alfred, along with the rest of the British Expeditionary Force, were known as the “Old Contemptibles” – Kaiser Bill, the German leader, had referred to the BEF as “that contemptible little army” and the Brits delightedly adopted the slur with typically dry British wit. But to the rest of the world, they were the Tommies.
Tortured Logic 12/9/05 The ACLU says that the court hearing the case over releasing some of the more explosive Abu Ghraib photos might rule on December 15th. These are the photos and videos that Seymour Hersh saw, that he alleges contain images of US soldiers engaging in the rape of Iraqi children in order to psychologically torture the parents, who are watching from behind bars.

The administration is fighting this, of course. They think that releasing the photos might upset and anger people. They think that images of US soldiers raping children might enrage people who don’t like America. As if raping their children wouldn’t.

One of the most astounding reasons the admin came up with for putting off releasing the photos was that “they needed time to anonymize those engaged in illicit behavior.”

You read that right. The administration wants to delay releasing the photos so they can protect child rapists in their employ.

Makes you feel really proud, doesn’t it?
Bah!  Humbug! 11/24/05 Last year, I wrote a piece called “A Festivus for the Rest of Us” which was about the Seinfeld-inspired anti-Christmas holiday in which Santa Claus is hanged from a bare aluminum pole.  It’s celebrated on the 23rd of December, and I learned about it for the first time several days after the fact, and promised my readers, many of whom share my misanthropic views of Christmas, that I would remind them of Festivus in time so they could refuse to make any preparations for the holiday.

    So.  Consider yourself duly reminded.  And my holiday advice is to not get a turkey that weighs more than twenty five pounds, because those bigger ones can put up a hell of a fight when it comes time to stuff them in the oven.  Get a small one that will peer plaintively at you through the oven door glass and essay a few tentative pecks at the glass before keeling over. Remember, it’s a lot cheaper to buy two small turkeys then it is to replace your oven.

    Bill O’Reilly wants to remind us all that liberals are engaged in a war on Christmas, and that he will lead the fight in defending America’s religious heritage and moral vales.
Guilty Pleasures 9/27/05 Let’s take a little break from politics. The GOP is doing a splendid job of self-destructing, and it’s only a matter of time before the lockstep unity breaks down and they start forming circular firing squads, and then it will REALLY be fun writing about politics.

Instead, let’s talk movies. Not the ten best movies I’ve ever seen, although some on the list would fit in that category. Nor is it the ten worst, although that would be fun to write about, except that I never seem to remember the really bad movies. Maybe it’s a survival mechanism. Anyone who has sat through Travis Twat’s “North of Eden” knows there are some truly bad movies out there. (Names changed to protect the guilty.)

These are my favorite movies that were just plain the most fun to watch, and are worth watching more than once, even though the plots aren’t always sublime, and nor is the message of any great importance – as a rule. They are the sort of movies Artie the Pearl would dismiss as frivolous, and Paulie Five Fingers would glower and admit that, all right, damn it, he DID like that movie.

Remember: not best, not worst. Most fun.
Unworthy Thoughts 9/2/05 When I was in the seventh grade, my science teacher told me that central Ontario was one of the safest places to live.

I was a bit dubious, since for four months out of the year, the central Ontario climate was doing its level best to try and kill me. Screw up once, and I wake up a corpsicle. But good Canadian kids are taught to regard -30 degrees as a minor inconvenience. Blizzards are just an opportunity for a little healthy exercise, is all.

But, the science teacher explained, central Ontario didn’t have earthquakes. It didn’t have tornadoes (back then). No typhoons. No volcanoes. No poisonous snakes. The climate discouraged tropical diseases like malaria and breakbone fever (and the teacher, no dummy, knew a good clinical description of breakbone fever would keep a herd of winter-weary twelve-year olds spellbound).

I left class that day feeling vaguely superior to all those savages who lived near volcanoes or behind dykes or who ran the risk of encountering wolves or polar bears or tigers. At least, I reflected, as the frost from my breath turned my eyebrows white, I had the good sense to live in a place that was safe.
The Biggest Boom 7/17/05 The place is fulla tourists. There were so many cars and trucks I didn’t recognize in the parking lot of our local market that I shut off my engine and pulled the keys out of the ignition before going in. (Some of the guys tried locking their cars, those that had lockable cars. That left the problem of how to turn off the engine and pull the keys out of the ignition, so it never caught on.)

Tourists everywhere. Crossing the local highway is risky, and often entails waits of several minutes for a clearing in the traffic. In the winter, a blind snail with bipolar disorder can get across that road safely, but now, it’s taking your life in your hands to try it.

London Calling 7/7/05

I have a picture of myself, taken when I was seven, standing in Trafalgar Square in the heart of London. I have a large pigeon perched on my arm, and he’s pecking at some grain I have in my hand. I don’t look particularly happy about this, because this is such a large and aggressive pigeon, and I’m such a small boy. But I look very, very British, tousled hair poking out from under the beanie cap (a favorite target of school bullies) and wearing my school uniform, which is a festive shade of boiled liver grey. Just to show us West Enders can be a wild and crazy bunch, there is yellow piping on the shoulders and lapels and around the school crest, but the black and white photograph doesn’t really do it justice.

Not visible in the picture is the reality of post-war London. Many of the city’s landmarks still have scaffolding around them as repairs from Werner von Braun’s efforts to touch the stars are made. Thousands upon thousands of new buildings have arisen from the rubble of the Blitz. The picture doesn’t show that rickets, caused by malnutrition, is still common, especially among the older kids born during the war and in the years immediately after. The tens of thousands killed and hundreds of thousands injured aren’t in sight, but are remembered. Just a scared-looking kid and a descendent of pigeons that even Hitler couldn’t kill.

Freedom 7/1/05 Over the next few days, there’s going to be all sorts of self-congratulatory editorials in newspapers all around the United States, marveling over the fact that the country will be 229 years old. The usual clichés will be dragged out, on how this nation was conceived in liberty (actually, it wasn’t; in truth, the fact that it explicitly was not "in liberty" is why it was conceived, but that’s a side issue) and all these truths are self-important, strife, misery and the pursuit of sappiness, in the name of the fodder, the gold coast, and Mastercard, forever and reruns, amen.

What you most likely WON’T see in all these editorials is discussion of individual liberty, what it means, and what it really takes to secure it. Papers will mention Ben Franklin and Patrick Henry without really discussing what they really had in mind for their countrymen.

Here are some of the things about liberty that the papers won’t mention.

Privatization 6/7/05 I happened to stumble across the transcript of an interview Respect MP George Galloway had with Thom Hartmann this week, and during their wide-ranging discussion, they got around to the issue of privatization. Unsurprisingly, Galloway, a socialist, is not keen on the concept. He mentioned some of the horror stories that Britain has endured as a result of various privatization schemes, such as the railroads (he mentioned 80% of Britons want them returned to the public sector) and air traffic control (now there’s a horrifying thought!).

He mentioned, too, the fact that infection rates in British hospitals were up by huge amounts, the result of turning the task of cleaning and disinfecting in the public hospitals over to the private sector. He claimed that an extra 10,000 Britons a year were dying as a result.

Gorgeous George Galloway 5/21/05 With a round face and somewhat squashed nose accented by piercing blue eyes, George Galloway looks something like an ex-pug, and in fact, that’s what he is. He’s also an ex-factory worker whose favorite clubs are Dundee United and Celtic. His Glaswegian accent is distinctly lower middle class. Looking at him, it’s easy to believe he could have once been a yob at the footy matches, getting in punchups in the pubs and shouting insults at the Pakis. (For North Americans, think of the guys who show up at football games half-naked in the snow, painted in the team colors, shout, "USA! Fuck, yea!" and who are usually on their seventh beer by the half-time show).

For those who have no idea what a "Glaswegian" (pronounced Glaz-wee-gee-an) might be, it’s an inhabitant of the Scots city of Glasgow (rhymes with "has cow," which is what Norm Coleman is doing right now). You know. Like a resident of Halifax is known as a Haligonian.

Anyway, it’s the Glaswegian accent. To American ears it sounded posh, tony. People thought of Scotty, or the stereotype of the Scotsman of fierce integrity, with bristling eyebrows and blazing blue eyes. William Rivers Pitt remarked that the Senate committee must have felt like they were being lectured by Sean Connery. The video is here

Bob Ewell 4/23/05 "‘I wish Bob Ewell wouldn’t chew tobacco,’ was all Atticus said about it."

That one line in Harper Lee’s brilliant 1960 novel, "To Kill a Mockingbird" starkly showed the difference between the protagonist, the stately and ethical Atticus Finch, and his antagonist, the bitter, twisted Bob Ewell.

In the novel, which takes place in a small Alabama town in the 1930s, Ewell, a drunk and a ne’er-do-well, makes a spectacular charge of raping his daughter against one of the local black men, a cripple named Tom Robinson, and the lawyer Atticus Finch is appointed by the court to defend Robinson. To the unease of the town, Atticus proceeds to do so, demonstrating that Robinson could not have raped the daughter and leaving the strong impression that she was raped by her father instead. This being Alabama in the 1930s, the jury elects not to take the word of a black man over the word of a white man and convicts Robinson, who is subsequently shot while trying to escape. The town at large figures Robinson’s behavior was "Typical" and assumes it shows he really was guilty, but among others who know better is Bob Ewell, who begins a mounting vendetta against the people who caused his humiliation in court, including Atticus Finch.

Alan Dundes 4/8/05 My first year in college, I took a course called "Cultural Anthropology." I had no idea what Cultural Anthropology might be – something to do with insect hive life, perhaps – but I had been assured by my friends that the class was a sop, an easy "A" and like most freshmen, I had overestimated my capacities and signed up for 22 units. I wasn’t so self-assured as to make all my classes grinds like calculus or micro. I was willing to take a sop course if one fell in my lap.

It was an easy "A" all right, but it wasn’t because it was an easy class. In fact, it was the most intellectually and emotionally demanding course I ever took. It was also the most intellectually and emotionally stimulating one, too. I got that A because I was utterly fascinated, and worked my butt off in the class. (For the curious, I dropped three courses, including calc, and wound up with 12 units. And a keener appreciation of my limitations.)

Until I took the class, my only exposure to the idea of extended marriages came from Robert Heinlein’s then recently released novel, "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress" I had assumed the extended marriages described in Heinlein’s book were the product of his imagination, and didn’t know that it, like most of the more fascinating and "alien" elements of good science fiction, was grounded in nothing more than the incredible variety of earth’s life and human customs and cultures. Manny’s family would have been right at home in Polynesia.

Ghouls In Love 3/19/05 Back in October of 2003, I wrote a piece on Terry Schiavo called "Nobody’s Home" In it, I discussed the actions of the Florida legislature, that passed a "one-armed-man-with-a-limp" law and forbade disconnecting Schiavo from her feeding tube. I concluded, "Almost certainly, a court will rule the ‘Terri Law’ unconstitutional and reinstate the original decision to remove the feeding tube from the carcass."

It turned out to be a correct prediction. One after another, the courts struck down the law as unconstitutional and ruled that as Schiavo’s husband, Michael Schiavo was within his rights to request that care be discontinued, in a case where there is no hope.

Shave and a Haircut 2/28/05 Back about six weeks ago, the London Guardian gleefully broke a story about how North Korea had a TV series with the catchy name of “Let's trim our hair in accordance with the socialist lifestyle.” Kim Jong-il had mandated that North Koreans should wear their hair between 1 and 5 centimeters in length (between about a half inch and two inches), and had four styles that were deemed acceptable; crewcut, and variations known as “high, middle, and low” styles. That doesn’t sound very egalitarian, I agree. “Low style” one supposes, might include fleas, ticks and dandruff. According to the show, it was considered patriotic to get your hair trimmed every two weeks.

For anyone who’s wondering, the rationale behind all this was that excessive hair growth promoted loss of intelligence and general debilitation, and presumably, if you cut it frequently, this would conceal the fact that you were suffering from low intelligence and general debilitation. 

Except for der leader, of course. He still looks like a Kewpie doll on steroids, and the matter of his intelligence and stamina may be surmised from his vertical mop.
Large Caliber Guns 1/16/05 Fifty caliber semiautomatics are back in the news, but fortunately not because they separated some politician’s brains from his immediate neighborhood, or were used to cause a 767 to go cartwheeling down 315 in a fiery final approach.

Fortunately, the reason for the gust of publicity came from Governor Arnie’s decision to sign legislation banning the sale of such weapons in California, making California the only state in America with such a law. ‘60 Minutes’ subsequently did a piece on the weapons. Needless to say, the type of people who need such weapons in order to feel comfortable dealing with their friends, family, neighbors and boss are flabbergasted. How DARE Arnie, a man best known for carelessly slinging around weapons that no other mortal can even lift, that can shoot skyscrapers in half, do something like this? Hunters NEED a gun with enough firepower to stop a gopher without leaving enough for DNA analysis to tell what species it was!

Uncle Tom's Mansion 1/11/05 My client, an African American, brought up the topic of Armstrong Williams. "Are you doing an essay on him?"

"Probably" I replied. The fact of the matter was I had about a half dozen things I wanted to write about, and he was on the list, but not the top of the list. I was mulling over what to say about the man, and the payments he received from the Administration, that hadn’t been said thousands of times on hundreds of blogs and newspapers and on dozens of TV networks and radio shows.

"So what are you going to say about him?"

I grinned. "I’ll probably call him an Uncle Tom."

Yule: Solstice 2004 12/18/04 The word “yule,” like the word “dog,” is so old that nobody really knows where it came from. In Iran, they have the word “Yalda” for their winter solstice, and if you squint and play it at 78 rpm, it looks and sounds a little bit like “yule.” The Chinese have a winterfest called Dong Zhi, and the feast itself is called Ju Dong, which could be pronounced “you tung.”

Well maybe the Chinese link is a bit of a stretch. For that matter, any competent linguist got to the bit about Iran’s solstice and stopped reading in disgust. 

OK, the word is pretty unique.
 
"...It's time to wake up." 11/19/04 I have a friend who is fond of a particular koan, sometimes prefacing his public addresses with it. The koan, like all such, is a statement of such simplicity so as to seem self evident:

“When your dream becomes a nightmare, it is time to wake up.”

Like all such zen statements, the mere fact of its utterance demonstrates that it is neither simple nor straightforward. For most people, it isn’t a matter of conscious control, and someone awakening from a nightmare usually does so out of fright, and not from awareness that it was a nightmare. I’m frequently aware of the fact that I am dreaming, and it is only when I lose that self-referential detachment that I fall into a nightmare. Otherwise, I’m just doing the somatic equivalent of munching popcorn and looking to see if I can spot the wires on the closet monster.
America at her Best 11/2/02
Election Day
There is a striking scene – one of many – in George Butler’s "Going Upriver: the Long War of John Kerry" that will probably stay high on my list of things I think of when people ask me why I love America.

When the Vietnam Vets Against the War convened in the Capitol Park to protest the war, the Capitol Police, doubtlessly responding to orders from the Nixon administration, told the protesters, some 1,500 Vietnam vets, that while they had the right to be there and to protest, that if any of them slept in the park, they would be arrested. The vets, led by John Kerry, consulted among themselves and elected to stay.

Word of the pending confrontation spread to Capitol Hill. As evening approached, people left their offices in the Capitol and the EOB and other storied marble edifices, and came down and formed a crowd between the police and the vets. These weren’t just average people taking a stand on principle; these were secretaries and other staffers from Congressional offices, Republican and Democrat alike. It was over one hundred members of the House of Representatives, and over a dozen Senators. These were some of the most powerful and most politically vulnerable people in America, risking everything they had to come down and prevent the police from hassling a bunch of scruffy looking demonstrators in the park.

Jon Stewart, and Bill O'Reilly's Dildo 10/23/04 It’s a pretty good example of how strange this election has become that America’s best liberal comedian has James Carville snorting in outraged indignation, while the dourest, nastiest demagogue on the right has the entire national liberal community just laughing their asses off.

Bill O’Reilly has been accused of making harassing sexual phone calls to one of the executive producers of his show. In one of the more memorable specifics, he’s accused of saying that he had a battery-powered device inserted in his anus while he was speaking to her. That lead one brilliant wag (ok, it was me) to suggest that he change the name of his tv show, “The No Spin Zone” to “No Spin. Just Vibrate.” 
Interspecies Romance 10/16/04 Let’s take a break from politics for a night. You game? Yeah, so am I.

There’s a program on the Science Fiction channel this Sunday night at 9, 11 and 1, and with a second part on Monday at the same times. It’s called "Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars"

It’s not exactly something new. It’s a mini-series continuation of a television series that was cancelled in early 2003. The series wrapped up a battle between the good guys, and some truly ugly bad guys called Scarrans, and then the hero (Ben Browder) and his love interest (Claudia Black) end up in a rowboat in the middle of a placid lake, where he pulls out a diamond ring and proposes to her, and she accepts. Just then, an alien space craft appears out of nowhere and blows them to bits. Series end, finale.

Victimless Crime? 9/14/04

A friend of mine in Texas emailed me a link with the question, "Was this a PROBLEM in California?" After stopping to assure him that there are no problems in California, I read the article, a Reuters story.

It seems that necrophilia is now illegal in California. In truth, I hadn’t been aware that it wasn’t illegal, and just assumed that it was. Like speed limits in Albania or rules of grammar in Swahili, it didn’t seem particularly germane to my daily life, and I hadn’t really thought about it before.

Labor Pains 9/7/04 I very nearly didn’t write a Labor Day Essay. For one thing, I had already put up a link to a brilliant piece Greg Palast wrote under “Other Voices” on my website, and while I might be a fairly good writer (opinions, including my own, vary), I’m no Greg Palast.

But then I saw a speech by Putsch in which he said “the economy is strong and getting stronger.” Then the rich white trash at the WSJ had an amazing piece called “The GOP is the party of the little guy”

Well, we’re not going to get them out of office if we just ignore their bare-faced lies, are we?

Putsch is trying to position himself as “the jobs President.” What makes this particularly ludicrous is that he is about to become the first President since Hoover to see a net loss in jobs over a full term. One and a half million jobs, give or take.
Terror and the City II 8/28/04 According to the news, some quarter million protesters are in New York City right now on account of the GOP convention.

Well, that’s not really a surprise. A lot of people hate the GOP, which is seen as cold, imperious, contemptuous of ordinary people, and out to steal the country. This may be because many people in the GOP, especially the leadership, are cold, imperious, contemptuous of ordinary people, and out to steal the country. Think of it as a character flaw.

The authorities in New York are in paroxysms of fear and paranoia over all this, and have decided that there is going to be a huge terror attack unless they weld the entire Island of Manhattan shut.

Terror and the City 8/27/04 OK, granted, British Columbia is probably Canada at its best.

It’s got incredible scenery, and it’s the one part of Canada that doesn’t freeze solid between November and March. At least, along the coast. Vancouver is an incredible city, Seattle without the grunge and the nerds, and marijuana is $125 Canadian per ounce for what the town major describes as "coma-inducing weed." Victoria takes all the good stuff about London and leaves behind the yobs and the multidimensional street maps. I’ve lived in both London and Victoria, and I would say they are my second and third favorite places to live in the world, behind only Siskiyou County.

So when a buddy of mine showed up today, fresh from a week long sojourn up Vancouver Island and then on the inward passage ferry to Prince Rupert, the first thing I asked him was if he got a red maple leaf tattooed on his butt. He was effusive. Note to BC Tourism Board: you got another one.

In Search Of... 8/24/04 Conspiracy theories can be fun. Anyone who has seen the incredible and convoluted notions that surround the Illuminati and the great struggle between the Masons and the Catholics know that there are a lot of people out there with extremely inventive minds and far too much time on their hands.

Some of it is just plain nuts. David Icke, for example, bases his elaborate theories on the premise that the Queen of England and the Bushes are actually secretly extraterrestrial lizards. As John Lennon might have sung, "Her Majesty’s a pretty nice girl, but her tail keeps coming off." One of Icke’s main sources of information is a woman who claims to have been a mind controlled CIA sex slave to Henry Kissinger and Bob Hope. It just sort of follows a natural progression from there.

Sometimes the lyrically paranoid and obsessive theories turn out to be true. Yes, the CIA really did conduct mind-control experiments. Yes, the government paid for experiments releasing gas in the New York subways and in Havana (pre-Castro) in order to test propagation of poison gases. Yes, the FBI did run infiltration and disruption activities against the anti-war movement (CointelPro) during Vietnam.

F911, A Month Later 7/26/04 When a guy like Michael Moore jumps off the high-dive board, it’s gonna cause a few ripples.

When I wrote about "Fahrenheit 911" after seeing it on its opening weekend four weeks ago, I had a feeling I would be revisiting it later to gauge its effects on the body politic.

First, it’s the most successful documentary of all time. It’s grossed $103 million domestically, and very incomplete overseas figures show it having grossed $13 million. So not only has it shattered the all time gross for a documentary ($21 million, Bowling for Columbine), but it’s at or past the adjusted-for-inflation gross of Birth of a Nation, which is estimated at $125 million. Of course, Birth of a Nation got an eighty year head start, too.

Airport Insecurity 7/22/04 The 9/11 commission report came out today, briefly knocking aside the great Sandy Berger non-story that the Republicans were hoping to turn into a major scandal, at least as soon as they could figure out what Berger did wrong besides violate handling of secret materials regulations.

Complete with the report came a separate news story, of video stills released by the prosecuting attorneys in a civil suit filed against American Airlines which showed four of the hijackers being checked out and passed through airport security that fateful morning.

Three of the hijackers even set off the metal detectors and were subsequently wanded. You’ve all seen the wands. Bored security guards wave them around, the wands make a continuous stream of squeals and moans, and basically tell the security guard that he is, in fact, wearing a wrist watch on his own left wrist.

Secret Sauce 7/14/04 Back a couple of years ago, Kathy, who worked at the front of the building, poked her head in the door of my office and announced that she was going to McDonalds, and did I want anything?

I started to say no, and on a whim, told her to get me a Big Mac. I hadn’t had one since about 1978, and from what I could see on the TV ads, it looked like they had sharply improved them since then. Bigger, juicier, and of course, now the patties were "all-beef." In 1978, Big Macs were dry, tasteless, and not very good for you. The meat was grey and thin, and the vegetables were wilted and zestless. About the only good thing about them, in my opinion, was the condiments. Surely in nearly 24 years, progress had been made.

Here Come Da Judge... 7/3/04 Man, I miss Flip Wilson.

Back in the 60s and 70s, he was probably the most famous judge in America, despite the fact that the closest he ever got to the bench – maybe – was as the defendant in a traffic speeding ticket case. But the comedian had a routine where he would swish onto a stage courtroom, singing “Da court’s in session, da court’s in session, now here come de judge, here come de judge...” that always brought the house down.

If Flip was still alive (he died a few years ago, our loss), I would support his nomination to the Supreme Court in a New York minute. This, after all, is the court where a case is taken up on the rationale that a full recount of voting might do “irreparable harm” to one of the candidates, the Chief Justice wears a robe with gold stripes right out of Gilbert and Sullivan to signify that he’s the Big Judge, and another goes duck hunting with the defendant. As a Supreme Court, it makes a fine Marx Brothers movie. I wonder if Slappy knows how to play the harp?
F911 6/27/04 Given how famous Michael Moore is these days – or infamous, perhaps – it always amazes me how many people have never heard of "TV Nation." It was an hour-long show that Moore had that ran for a year and a half on NBC, and then, incredibly, for a year on Fox. This was in the heyday of Newt and the "Contract on America" revolution, a time when Democrats and liberals were feeling cowed, and bookstores were reluctant to display Al Franken’s "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot" for fear of backlash from local conservatives.

TV Nation was putatively an investigative journalism show, but this was Michael Moore undiluted, and the end result was something like 60 Minutes on acid. He was confrontational as all get out, leavened by a truly twisted sense of humor, with the result that he had such phenomena as "Crackers the Corporate Crime Fighting Chicken," who was a guy in a chicken suit who ran around investigating crimes corporations pulled against the public. One week, they put up a phone number and asked people to call in with crimes for Crackers to investigate, and in the next 24 hours, got over 20,000 calls. Moore sent a black church choir to serenade a gathering of the Aryan Nation. He provided transportation for Bowery locals to a posh public beach in Delaware – a "public beach" for residents only.

Lessons Unnoticed 6/16/04 Ever since the images from Abu Ghraib first started coming out, something about them has been eating at me, affecting my day-to-day life.

Certainly, I felt disgust and outrage. But that usually doesn’t leave me feeling depressed. This did.

So I’ve been picking at it for a while, trying to figure out what bothered me so deeply but at the same time seemed so hard to face.

Mickey Muse Freedom 5/9/04 By all accounts, Michael Moore’s new documentary, "Fahrenheit 9/11," figures to have an even bigger impact than his previous efforts, including "Roger and Me" and "Bowling for Columbine." It is supposed to examine the ties that exist between the Bush family and the bin Ladens, and takes a close look at some of the events that occurred on 9/11 and in the weeks subsequent.

If you are wondering why the greatest crime committed against Americans since 1941 has gone so long with little or no examination by the government or the media (even Pearl Harbor had four different congressional investigations going in the year following), you are not alone. Millions of people are wondering the same thing. Conspiracy theories proliferate, and while many are as loony-sounding as one expects, there’s dozens of very pertinent questions that have never been answered satisfactorily, or even properly asked. Why didn’t NORAD scramble that morning? Why did Putsch behave so oddly (imagine FDR going on the air, as he sometimes did on Sunday mornings, to read comics, after hearing about Pearl Harbor and before meeting with advisors to consider options) that morning? Why, exactly, did the Towers collapse? Why did the relatively unscathed building seven collapse hours later? Why do the photos from the Pentagon wreck show absolutely no evidence that a large commercial airliner struck the building? If that flight didn’t hit the Pentagon, where did it go? Why did the bin Ladens get government provided flights out of America when every other private plane in the country was grounded?

Journalism 3/30/04 The Sacramento Bee has an ombudsman, a fellow who is independent of the chain of authority at the paper, who does not answer to the bosses, and whose job it is to address the concerns and questions of the general public from inside the newspaper. A number of newspapers have such a position, and they are considered positive elements in keeping newspapers honest and responsive to their readers.

In the Bee’s case, the ombudsman, a former New York Times staffer named Tony Marcano, has been the ombudsman for the past year. After a somewhat self-conscious start (it is an unusual job for a reporter to switch to reporting to the public about the newspaper itself), he’s settled into the position, and is getting favorable response from the readership.

He recently tackled the subject of the "credibility crisis" in journalism. The public, for a wide variety of reasons, don’t trust the media any more, and at least some of that blame lies with the media itself.

Summer in March 3/21/04 I’ve been working on "Artie the Pearl" and "Paulie Five Fingers" stories this week, which is one reason why I’ve been as AWOL as an American President. But that’s only part of it.

The real reason I’ve been slacking off is because the weather has been so nice. I live in California, a place synonymous with nice weather (except for floods, earthquakes, wildfires, drought, and temperatures above 110. Details, details). But that’s the 95% of California that doesn’t contain Siskiyou County. This is a sturdier California here, one where the pine trees don’t have to be watered and they outnumber the people, and snow sometimes reaches the eaves of the houses.

Adverse Adverts 3/6/04 I’ve come up with a great idea for a TV ad. It goes something like this.

[Stock shot]: First plane crashing into World Trade Center tower. Fireman looks up, startled. "Holy shit!" bleeped out.

[Voice Over]: "Some days, things just don’t go right. The day’s plans are ruined, and your routine is disrupted."

[Cut to]: Scenes of hundreds of emergency vehicles, all code three, racing down New York street toward WTC. Use chase scenes from "Blues Brothers" if budget demands.

[Voice Over]: "On days like that, sometimes good dental care has to take a back seat. You don’t want to do that, but sometimes things just happen, you know?"

Fake the Nation 2/8/04 If anyone was expecting NBC’s Tim Russert to sink his fangs into Putsch’s neck the way he does with Democrats, well, you just haven’t seen our Timmy in action. Or "inaction," as the case may be.

To give you an idea, his first question to Putsch was about the sham commission on the "intelligence failures" that he named the other day. Now I say "sham" because any commission where the person most affected by their investigation gets to hand pick the members is a sham. One where one of the members is Laurence Silberman, plumber for the October surprise, and mechanic behind numerous other GOP dirty deeds, including letting the traitorous Oliver North walk, is a sham. One where the most "prestigious" member, John McCain, has already opined that intelligence failures WILL be found to justify George’s leetle mistake is a sham.

In other words, the commission is a complete joke, and there isn’t a member of the press who doesn’t realize that. Including Tim Russert.

Sugar, Sugar, Sugar! 01/28/04 Back in April of last year it came to light that some Republicans were demanding that Congress cut funding for the World Health Organization, because the WHO was issuing a report that suggested that people should restrict their average sugar intake to 10% of their daily caloric intake (presently in America it is an amazing 20-25%). There isn’t a nutritionist in the world who won’t tell you that people inhale far too much refined sugar for their own good, and need to cut back. They’ve been saying this for 50 years and more. Sugar is empty calories that promote obesity, tooth decay and diabetes, and a host of other medical problems.

I wrote an essay on it ("Sugar, Sugar – But profits are sweeter") noting that the American sugar industry was the force trying to get WHO to back off on the report and pressuring Congress to defund WHO if they continued to threaten profits for the sugar cartels.

Nine months later, not much has changed.

Newspeak 1/23/04

Are you a fan of George Orwell's "1984"? This classic, dated only by its title, introduced a generation to the term "Newspeak," the deliberate inverting of the meaning of words and phrases for political purposes.

It still gets used a lot in politics, of course, to the point where it’s considered hackneyed to even refer to it directly. It got used a lot (and with good reason) in relation to Nixon and Agnew. It got used to refer to the self-serving idiocies of subsequent presidents, whether it was classifying ketsup as a vegetable or asking what the meaning of "is" is.

The reason it gets used a lot, of course, is because politicians are bullshit artists, and "Newspeak" is just a polite way of saying "bullshit".

Solstice 2003 12/22/03 I got asked a few months back why I never write a piece about the SUMMER solstice. After all, that’s the brightest, sunniest, happiest day of the year. People have parades, and look forward to several months of summer. If I was doing essays on both solstices, this would justify setting up a separate mailing list for the handful of readers I have in Australia (I think I have one in New Zealand, too), and on the day I send out my summer solstice message, I could send out a winter solstice message to them, and six months later, I could versa the vice.

Well, the problem is that I talk about the winter solstice being the birth of hope, the day when the days start getting longer. The sun escapes the mouth of the dragon, and people start counting the days until spring.

So what’s the message for the summer solstice? "It’s all downhill from here!" This is your brief moment of glory, folks. From now on, sunsets are earlier, and all too soon, the leaves will fall, followed by the snow, and it will be dark and cold. All summer solstice does is remind you that you are "shorter of breath, and one day closer to death."

The Medicare Scam 12/16/03 It sounds confusing as all get-out. Medicare will pay 75%
after $250 has been spent, up to $2,250. After that, there's a
"window" in the coverage that extends all the way to $5,100. Patient
pays 100%. Then Medicare kicks back in, paying 95% of costs over
$5,100. Until the end of the year. Then you get to start over.

It's confusing, and it's meant to be. The Republican
designers of this monster wanted folks on Medicare to be staring
helplessly at their calculators, wondering where to begin. 

It's actually real simple: If you rack up $5,100 in
prescription costs in a calendar year, Medicare will pay only $1,500
of that, leaving you to manage the remaining $3,600. Come the new
year, you start with the same deductibles. Oh, and they want you to
pay $420 a year for the privilege, so each year, on $5,100 worth of
drugs, you shell out a total of $4,020.
 
Brother, can you spare a dime? 12/08/03 Back around 1974, someone proposed that the penny, then made of copper, should be converted to aluminum. I was appalled, of course, since as a coin collector, I had seen my fill of aluminum coins. They usually came from European countries with few vowels and even less economy, and the local currency was the Thangamabob, and Thangamabobs were trading 48 to the dollar. The coin in question would be a Microthangamabob, and would be a large, ugly gray coin that weighed one tenth what it ought to and featured a non-aerodynamic eagle on one side, and on the other, the only politician to be assassinated in Europe in the nineteenth century whose death didn’t cause at least a border war.

They were ugly, ugly coins that proclaimed their lack of value in both their utter grim grayness and their ethereal lightness.

If America was to have such a coin, it seemed shameful to associate a great man like Abraham Lincoln with it. Much better to have a President widely regarded as worthless, of dubious moral value, and who would best serve the nation by dropping dead.

Fortunately, this was 1974, and we just happened to have one of those in stock. 

Nobody's Home 10/28/03 The human brain is an amazingly complex thing, with an estimated five terabytes of storage, billions of passageways, and the ability to create more such circuits as needed. Everything has redundancy built in. Not only that, but several different parts of the brain can contribute, wholly or in part, to some action.

Take speech, for instance. Different parts of the brain control movement of the tongue, lips, vocal cords, and jaw. Still others control the respiration. Then there is the sense of what is being said, the meanings behind the words. Different sections control primary, or native speech, while other parts store speech learned in late childhood or adulthood, so-called secondary speech. It may explain, in part, why none of us completely lose our native accents.

The type of speech is controlled by different parts of the brain, and the results can be stunning. Speech therapists learned some time back that people with profound aphasia, who have lost the ability to utter a single word of regular speech, can sometimes be taught to communicate quite well either through sign language, song, or poetry. Different parts of the brain control the respective vocabularies of each, and an aphasic who still has the sense and meaning behind the words can often use these detours. Some aphasics can learn to speak quite fluently in a foreign language. But their own language is gone, usually for good.

Governor Arnie 10/12/03 Don’t be fooled by the right wing spin machine. Republicans are trying frantically to pretend that the Gropinator’s win in the recall represents a shift in values in California to the right. From the drug-addled Rush to the slimy Ann Coulter, the Voice of the Right howls that the recall shows a failure of liberal politics, and that California has rejected the Democratic party.

Like most things the right wing claims, this is sheer nonsense. Yes, the voters did reject Gray Davis, and while he was in part a victim of the machinations of Enron, Dick Cheney, FERC and all those criminals, he was also slow to deal with the energy crisis, and for a politician, surprisingly hard to like. When we canvassed the club in July as to what stance should be taken, the unanimous choice was to oppose the recall and reluctantly support Davis.

Bustamante self-destructed with his fund-raising games. Republicans used the fact that he was taking donations from the gaming tribes to appeal to people’s latent racism, but he lost ground in his own Democratic base because a majority of Democrats are appalled and sickened by our corrupt and anti-democratic methods of campaign fund-raising. Even worse, when he said he would return the money and then only returned $71,000 of the $3.1 million, he sealed his fate.

The Numbers Racket 10/10/03 The White House released some of the figures from the budget request for $87 billion for Iraq the other day, and there are some pretty interesting numbers in it.

For example, $20.3 billion is for the reconstruction of Iraq. The rest, presumably, is to provide targets for Iraqis who are, for some reason, displeased that their country is crawling with foreign invaders.

$20.3 billion to rebuild a country doesn’t sound like much. Iraq has about as many people as Texas, and Texas spends more than that every year on the state budget. And this is a state that believes "the Government ain’t got no business spending no money on nobody, no how, no way." I think they even have that on their state flag or something.

A Storm Arrives 9/19/03 Isabel wasn’t the only storm to hit Washington, DC this week. Rather than run that metaphor into the ground, let’s look at what made Isabel, a category five hurricane, different from the other storms.

Isabel came from a specific direction, and only one direction. The winds within Isabel were predictable in terms of ferocity and direction.

Isabel weakened as it neared Washington.

Everyone knew that in 24 hours, Isabel would be gone.

The other storms are those seen much more frequently in the DC area, political storms. Although like Isabel at her peak last week, they stand to reach higher levels of intensity than what we usually see.

A Bush Fire 9/12/03 The local malt shop got a lucky break.

Summer is over. We had a day of light, cold rain which settled the dust and gave the mountain its first dusting of snow, followed by the first frost of the season.

Tourist season is over until the ski park opens in mid-November. Which means that when I walk past the malt shop with my dogs early in the morning to get the paper, I usually swap waves with the owner and one "employee" – usually a family member volunteering – who are waiting for the grumpy and tight fisted locals to show up and complain about the price of coffee. It’s a pretty discouraging time of year.

The Population Bomb 09/09/03 Back in the 1970s, when the world was still reeling from literary wake up calls from such people as Rachel Carson ("Silent Spring") and Paul Ehrlich ("The Population Bomb"), the noted science fiction author Philip Jose Farmer ("Riverworld") wrote a story called "Seventy years of DecPop."

The premise was that a mad scientist created and unleashed an aerosol which rendered 99 out of 100 humans infertile. The story consisted of a series of vignettes from the seventy years subsequent to that action. The basic premise is that despite the emotional and logistic turmoil of the population being decreased by some 80%, humanity and the world would be happier for it.

A lot of people, badly frightened by the grim forecasts that Carson and Ehrlich had made (Ehrlich predicted a vast die off of some 65 million people in the United States alone by the end of the 1970s) read the story with a certain amount of wistfulness. The only other options were the Malthusian nightmares of famine, plague and war. Farmer’s scenario seemed an easy way out.

Blackout 8/22/03 Al Qaida is taking credit for the power blackout that affected some 70 million people in the Northeast and through much of the Province of Ontario last week.

There isn’t any particular reason to believe they had anything to do with the blackout, but the propaganda value of the claim is indisputable. Long-suffering Iraqis, fed up with little or no electricity ever since the American invasion, reacted with undisguised schadenfrüde, going so far as to email tips to New Yorkers on how to live without power. Already delighted at the discomfiture the blackout caused the hated Americans, they probably embraced al Qaida’s claim avidly, whether they believed it or not.

In fact, Americans can take pride in how well easterners reacted. Crime actually DROPPED during the blackout, and the only serious criminal occurrence was, oddly enough, in the Canadian capital of Ottawa, where four gunmen robbed a Sparks Street Mall jewelry store and fired shots at the crowd (nobody hurt, fortunately).

Like, Recall, Totally 8/9/03 Of course, everyone wanted to talk about the Recall.

Nearly every county fair attendee who stopped by the Democratic booth wanted to know how we stood on recall, and who we supported. (The club is against the recall, and perforce doesn’t support anyone on the "replacement" list). Nearly everyone was either amused, incredulous, or angry about the recall itself.

The Republicans had a booth at the other end of the exposition hall (the hall adjoining our end has the science exhibits and the book sale booths, and their end opens out into pens featuring cattle and their products, which we think is apropos). They had a life-size cut cardboard cut-out of Putsch which they still use despite the actions of some miscreant who I will not name on fifth amendment grounds who once hung a sign around its neck reading "The real thing, or a cardboard cutout phoney? You decide!"

Weekend at Udai's 7/27/03 Back a few years ago, some wit took the poster from the movie, "Weekend at Bernie’s," and made a parody of it called "Weekend at Strom’s." It featured Tom DeLay and Trent Loot, with the then ninety-eight year old Strom Thurmond as the corpse propped up between them.

Republicans howled. They felt that such a ghoulish display was disrespectful to Strom, who wasn’t entirely dead yet, and was in bad taste.

I don’t even want to guess what the reaction would be if they had used a real corpse in the picture. They would still be screaming.

The deaths of Udai and Qusai Hussein in a barrage by American forces were of no particular benefit to Americans 

Trying Times 07/16/03

If I was to sum up the state of American journalism in a nutshell, I wouldn’t cite the New York Times, despite all their scandals and self-inflicted tribulations. I wouldn’t mention that back in the days when the Washington Post was a newspaper, they didn’t work for the administration.

There are good, reliable papers, of course; the Sacramento Bee comes to mind, along with the Wall Street Journal (outside of their execrable opinion/editorial section) and the Christian Science Monitor.

But no. If I was going to sum up modern American journalism in a nutshell, I would say, "The Washington Times."

Rummy 7/13/03 The other day, Donald Rumsfeld, in his efforts to downplay the chaos and growing guerrilla movement in American-occupied Iraq, compared the situation there to that in America in the years following the Declaration of Independence.

Noting the lack of a stable currency and poor economy in the thirteen former colonies, Rumsfeld said "Discontent led to uprisings, with mobs attacking courthouses and government buildings.[...]The transition to democracy is never easy."

In some ways, Rumsfeld is quite correct. It took one false start and six years after the war ended for the colonies to form what is now the US, and there was a fair amount of turmoil and confusion during that time.

In fact, most people don’t realize just how lucky the colonies were. Nearly all revolutions make life worse, not better, and often involve pogroms, starvation, bloodbaths and widespread starvation. America managed to avoid much of that.

A Mockingbird in Tulia 6/18/03 Every so often, news stories come along that remind us that yes, at heart most people are essentially decent.

There was a case in point a couple of weeks ago, when the American Film Institute came out with another one of their "best movies of all times" polls. You’ve probably seen those polls around. They had "best 100 movies of all time" (And it was either "Casablanca" or "Citizen Kane" that won) and "Best 100 comedies of all time" ("Some Like It Hot"). AFI, pleased with the attention and controversy the lists engendered, produced more lists, a cycle of attainments that can only get more dubious as time goes on. ("Best 100 black and white Bulgarian films directed by a left-handed albino director addressing the social problem of scurvy" for example. I can’t think of more than ten such that are worth seeing...)

Employment in America 5/3/03 There was a bit of a flutter in the media this week when the Department of Labor announced that the unemployment rate was back up to 6%, The Sac Bee, noting that the number of jobs had shrunk by 525,000 over the past three months, asked if it presaged yet another recession. Putsch, ever the idiot puppet of the ultra-rich, declared that his tax cut was just the thing needed to create new jobs. Naturally, he didn’t say exactly how that would work, beyond the usual moronic platitudes that if we give our money to the already rich, they will be grateful and treat us nicely.
Sugar, Sugar 4/23/03 There’s a rather nasty epidemic affecting Asia and Canada that is threatening to become a very nasty pandemic threatening the entire world. Unfortunately, it got its start in a country governed by a dishonest, paranoid, and secretive regime. For once, I’m not talking about the Putsch junta: this is China.

The entity most responsible for fighting the spread of this virus, and for forcing the paranoid bureaucrats of the Beijing regime to give an honest accounting of the course of SARS in their country, has been the World Health Organization (WHO), the health branch of the UN. WHO is the international version of the Centers for Disease Control in America, and like the CDC, WHO tracks contagious diseases, coordinates research to find ways of preventing the spread, and proposes measures to prevent such contagions in the first place. It’s impossible to guess how many lives they’ve saved over the past 55 years, but tens of millions is p